The Incredible Shrinking Krista

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Please let me clarify!

Just to clarify a few things.  Yes, I am registered for a half marathon, but I realize that completing it this weekend with the minimal training I have done isn't likely at all, even though I have been working out consistently and Cross Fitting 3 days per week. 

1--I have no intention of pushing myself to injury.  I am very good at listening to my body and the first time something hurts, I'm done.

2--I have checked with the race director about the options as it pertains to dropping out and made sure I am fully aware and educated about that process and how it works.

3--I appreciate the concern everyone has expressed about me doing this.

4--If I get swept and don't get a medal, I'm cool with that.  I don't even know where my princess medal from last year is because I never felt as though I earned it.

5--I have to do a long run this weekend of 1 hour anyway, if I feel good and make it an hour and a half, great, anything beyond that 1 hour training run is gravy for me.

6--and most importantly, I am not emotionally invested in this race, AT ALL!  I was very emotionally invested in the Princess Half last year, and yes, I was devastated and embarrassed and depressed when I didn't finish, even though I was aware that that was the likely outcome.  Because I have no emotional investment in this race, it will neither make me nor break me.  If I get swept, fine, if I finish, fine.  I'm ok with whatever happens this weekend. This race, nor any other race I ever run will define me.  I am not defined by exterior praise or failures, I am defined by who I am internally, as a person.

7--My ultimate goal is the Princess Half Marathon on February 24.  I will do NOTHING to jeopardize my participating in that race.  If that means I do a 5k this weekend, I'm ok with that. 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Breathe in.....Breathe out......

Okay, so you may or may not remember that this spring I posted this saying that I would be running the Battleship Half Marathon in Wilmington, NC.  Things have gone a little crazy since thing, I've waxed and waned on whether I would actually run this weekend or not.  I've been doing a lot of cross-fitting, and some running (though admittedly, not as much as I would like).  Well, as of yesterday, our trip to Ohio to take my dad up to spend some time with his mom got cancelled thanks to "Frankenstorm Sandy" so I'm going to go to the race on Sunday.  I know I won't break any land-speed records or anything, but this will give me a good idea also of how far I have to go on February 24, and how far my training has to improve me before February 24.  The time limit for this race is 4 hours, and I can saunter a mile without trying in about 17 minutes.  I'm also going to dedicate this run to two women who are fellow runners who have recently passed on.  Amy Wayne was the running buddy of one of my online friends who was tragically hit and killed by a car this past week.  She was only 27 years old, was following all of the traffic laws and doing what she should have been, but she was still killed.  Kristen is a close friend of another of my online Running Mom friends who just succumbed to cancer yesterday.  I run in their memory, and pray for their friends and family at this very difficult time. 

Now--Last night's workout, yes, I went, even though my left arm didn't really feel up to it.  I went because even though I knew it would be uncomfortable, its time that you are uncomfortable that you have the most opportunity for growth.  This is when you find your limitations and figure out if they are really limits or if you can do more.  I did have to modify my pull-ups to ring-rows to take some of the pressure of my left arm. 

We did Tillman, in honor of Pat Tillman.  Clearly, with my arm hurting, I didn't even attempt the dead lifts at RX, so I just did 75#, our RX run was 100 meters, and for the pull-ups I did standing ring rows.  You were to do 7 rounds for time and we did a 30 second rest between each round, instead of 45 seconds.  My goal was to finish in under 20 minutes, and I finished in 20:06.  The really difficult part was the run for me, because with it being about 48* and my asthmatic lungs not liking cold air, I was running with my sweater over my face to keep my lungs from hurting so badly.  It was also drizzling a bit of rain which wasn't any fun either.  It was a rough work out, but one definitely worth doing!  As weird as it sounds, my left arm felt better afterwards.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

change of approach

So I have been working out 3 days/week, but the diet part has been pretty much status quo which is why I'm not seeing as much results as I should be.

So, Starting this week, I am going to switch my CrossFit workouts to the AM, 6:00 AM to be exact.  I'm not usually a morning person, but it will work out better with the kids, and homework and their schedules if I am at home in the evenings after work.  Starting on Tuesday, November 6th, I'm going to start the 2 week reset from the P.I.N.K. method diet plan to help get all of the sugars, and processed crap out of my diet.  I did it earlier this year, and saw a great deal of success with it, and even lost 12 pounds in the first 2 weeks of doing it.  I will also start using the supplements recommended to me by Next Level Nutrition the same day.  After the 2 weeks of the Pink RESET I am going to move into a strictly Paleo diet using meals from Custom Fit Meals Monday-Friday.  I am going to vary the Paleo diet on the weekends to include some good carbs and things like brown rice and sweet potatoes.  I feel like I am finally getting an idea of what it is going to take for me to see the results I really want and it is just a matter of sticking to the plan.  I am also going to be running 2 nights a week and on Saturday mornings.  We are under 4 months to the Princess Half Marathon, and I truly feel like getting my eating in order, doing CrossFit 5 days/week, running 3 days a week is going to get me into the best shape possible for the Princess.  I am so excited about what the future holds for me.

Finally, I have done a lot of talking to someone that works out at my box this week.  I have always had a very negative self-image.  She called me on it and said some things that made me take a second look at myself.  What Nichole pointed out to me was this, "When you have trouble look at the reflection of the love you receive from others. People love you because of your goodness and beautiful heart and soul." She also pointed out that just like someone can be over-confident and end up looking like a cocky asshole, you can take humility too far.  I've never seen my self-loathing as being humble, more so as being honest.  But I really think Nichole may be right.  If I was the horrible person I see in myself, I wouldn't have the amazing friends in my life that I do.  People wouldn't want to be around me at all.  There may just be something to what Nichole and many others have said to me over the years.  Maybe I'm not as bad as I have always thought I was.  hmmmm.....definitely food for thought.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Battle wounds.....

Made it into the box last night, and the workout was brutal.

It was a bit confusing at first, but then it all made sense, in a sick, and twisted way.  You can see the different card suits listed on the board.  We did 15 rounds of 1 minute on 1 minute off AMRAP of whichever exercise was indicated by the suit on the card pulled out of the deck by one of the members of the class.  As my luck would have it, the first and fourteenth rounds were Diamonds, but only 2 rounds of burpees was fine by me.  There were 3 or 4 rounds of spades, and I was doing a 65# push-press.  We had a lot of rounds of push-ups and T2B, or toes to bar.  The push-presses were definitely at my limit.  The most I did in one round was 13 I think, and they were definitely to failure.  My left arm would eventually give out and I'd drop the bar.  But by far, we had more T2B than anything else.  Now, it really doesn't sound all that bad, hanging from a bar, swinging your legs to kick the bar you are hanging from, but when you are 257 pounds, it is BRUTAL on your hands.  After the first round though, Andrea stopped me and said not to try to swing my legs, but instead, to work on tapping my feet on the box and pulling my knees up at the same time, as high as I could.  I was able to do a lot more of these than I was when I was attempting to swing, but my hands are definitely paying the price for it today.  I can't wear my wedding rings right now because there is a blister under my ring on my ring finger.  My pad across my hand at the base of my fingers is incredibly sore.  I will absolutely be purchasing some lifting gloves this Wednesday when i get paid...maybe I'll even find some with pink on them.  The most gratifying part of all of this was adding up my numbers at the end.  When we started working out, I wanted to aim for 250 reps over the 15 rounds.  Burpees are definitely something I can't do many of, and same with T2B, so I really had to kill the push-ups and push presses.  I knew this before we started, so when we got our first round of push-ups, I busted out 43 girlie push-ups in a minute.

 As the rounds progressed, and I reached 243 with about 5 rounds left, I was in shock, and totally excited.  I knew I could do more than 7 reps in the next round, and was almost giddy at the idea of closing in on 300 reps.  I hadn't looked at anyone else's scores on the board other than to notice a whole lot of 200+ scores.  I finished up with 291 reps total.  I did use the box for the second round of burpees because we were on our 14th round and I was feeling like I was going to vomit anyway.  All the way to the floor and back up would definitely have pushed me over the top.  Here's a glance at what my left hand looks like after last night's work out.  See the red spot on my ring finger...that was UNDER my wedding ring....gloves are a must.

I was so proud of myself when we finished and I had 291 reps.  There were quite a few folks with more than me, and I didn't do it RX, but I'm pretty damn proud of myself for this workout and how I did.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Ahhh, a workout!

I got to head back to CrossFit APX tonight!  I love getting back in to work out and sweat and get to see some of my favorite peeps.

So tonight's WOD was Justin and John Jarman's 26th birthday WOD.  This is synonymous with torture typically.  Birthday WOD's are typical brutal, and this one was definitely not the exception to the rule.

Tonight's WOD was as follows:
400 meter Run
26 Wall Ball Shots (20/14, I used an 8#er)
400 meter run
26 Crucifix push-ups
400 meter run
26 reverse ab-mat sit-ups
400 meter run
26 dead lifts (I lifted 60#)
400 meter run
26 Causack Squats (the side-to-side variety, similar to a side lunge)
400 meter run

I had to scale this, but modified nothing.  I did half of everything (runs included) and finished in 20:10.

It felt so freaking amazing to work out again.  I LOVE how it feels to get into the box and sweat.  I LOVE working out with my buddies.  I have grown to love the folks I work out with, the support they offer me, and the encouragement for everyone involved.

I also want to thank everyone who has taken the time to reach out to me, either through a friend, in person, by posting on my blog, my FB page or via email.  I have had a number of people tell me that my blog, and more particularly I am an inspiration.  This doesn't seem to fit well into my perception of myself, but I still want to be sure that anyone and everyone who has taken the time to express that, I truly appreciate.  This is definitely not a success-only journey, and your support and encouragement make it easier to get back up after I fall.

I truly appreciate everyone's love, support and feedback.  It means more to me than you will EVER know!


Spiritual Muscles

Shew...I can't believe it has been a week since I blogged, and a week since my last workout.  I took some time off this weekend to exercise my spiritual muscles instead of the physical ones, and man-oh-man, was it needed.  It is amazing to me that regardless of where I am in my life and what has been going on, going to something like Women of Faith and always address my concerns and help me feel some peace. 

On Friday night, one of the speakers was Mandisa, as in, Mandisa from American Idol, season 5.  She was talking about being on the show, The Doctors tomorrow morning, and how they were doing a show on inspirational weight-loss stories.  Mandisa was talking about how holding onto the things of the past and allowing ourselves to let go physically is disrespectful because we aren't fully capable of being who God made us to be if our body is sick. 

Then on Saturday, Christine Caine based her time on the plague of the frogs, from Exodus chapter 8.  The interesting part of this is this excerpt:  Exo 8:9 And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I intreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the frogs from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the river only? Exo 8:10 And he said, Tomorrow. And he said, Be it according to thy word: that thou mayest know that there is none like unto the LORD our God. 

Now, I don't know about you, but I am forever and ALWAYS putting things off till tomorrow.  And what Christine Caine talked about was the fact that if we don't deal with our yesterdays today, tomorrow will be no different.  Why wait until tomorrow?  Why take the baggage of your childhood into the future with you?  Why wait until Tomorrow?!?!  This was very poignant for me, because it is a pattern I have a habit of falling into.  I don't have to wait to start my diet until Monday, I don't have to wait to start exercising on Monday, why not make the changes today?  What is holding us back? Why are we so afraid to make the changes TODAY????  You can't make tomorrow different if you take the crap from your past with you. 

What are you waiting too change?  Why are you waiting?  We all had issues as a kid.  I felt like I was forever on a diet, I got picked on because my mom was obese, and then one day a kid said to me, "You're fat, just like your mom." and my world stopped.  She never wanted me to be overweight, and I always swore I wouldn't be overweight, and this is where my fear and anxiety around food went into overdrive.  That comment is what made me stop eating, and I was anorexic for 6 months.  I was down to a size 0 and still felt fat, because I gave that kid, and my fear power over my life.  I'm not doing that anymore.  I'm trying, with everything in me, to take my life back from those fears and anxiety.  It isn't perfect, and it will most definitely be a process that takes time, but it is doable.  I'm not waiting for tomorrow anymore.  I'm starting today.  Taking the crap from my past into tomorrow is going to do nothing but prevent me from being the beautiful person that God created me to I'm dumping my baggage today, and moving forward.  Who's going with me?!?!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I know I'm crazy.....

So, tonight was probably one of the WODs that I have been most capable of completing.  I still had to modify some stuff, but I feel like I accomplished something tonight.

We had 2 WODs

The first WOD as 12 minutes, every minute on the minute you were to do 5 pull ups, 10 push-ups, 15 air squats.  I of course had to use the red band to assist me with pull-ups, my push-ups were the girlie kind, and I was able to do the air squats w/o modification.  If at any point you couldn't finish those 30 movements w/in one minute this WOD turned into an AMRAP.  I was only on the minute for the first 2 minutes, and then I couldn't keep up.  I ended up completing a total of 7 rounds in the 12 minutes.

The second WOD was all about abs.  Maybe if I do this WOD every day, first thing in the morning for the next 7 months I'll have a beach body by next June......So we started with 20 Russian twists (10# medicine ball, rest on your tail bone, feet off the floor twist from one side to the other touching the medicine ball on the floor.  After this, did 15 reverse ab-mat sit-ups and then 10 Toes to Bar.  For me, the Russian twists required that my feet be on the floor, The reverse ab-mat sit-ups, then I can't begin to do Toes to Bar, but I am starting to get the swinging part down, and got my kicks almost up to my waist level.  I need to find a way to keep my hands from hurting so badly when I'm doing things like pull-ups, Knees to elbows, Toes to Bars, etc.  I need to get some weight-lifting gloves  and maybe some warmer workout gear when I get paid at the end of the month.

Finally, here is a picture of part of the team of amazing folks who are helping me to change my life.  Tyler is one of the coaches at the box, and is awesome.  He is always very encouraging, without being in my face screaming.  He knows when I need to keep pushing and when I truly don't have anything left to give.  Andrea is an inspiration in what she has been able to accomplish in her own life.  You can read more about her personal story here.  I don't know that I'll do it justice if I try to re-tell it.  These people, as well as the other coaches at APX, John N., Dan, John J. and Pete have never made me feel like I let them down or should have done better.  This truly is an awesome family.

I also have to give a shout out to my normal 5:30 buddies, Shaade, Ivan, Jon P., Tucker, Megan.  Nichole, Looking forward to seeing you at 5:30 on a regular basis going forward.  You are all helping me to find the person and see in the mirror the person that everyone else I have known for years has always told me was there, even though I never believed them.  Thank you to all of you for being part of my journey and tolerating my being a work in progress.  And to Karen and Georgia, you ladies inspire me, and I love you both.

I will also say that for the next couple of weeks, I am going to make sure that I am eating at least 3 meals/day.  This seems like it should be obvious/automatic/easy, but for me, it is none of the above.  I ate about half of my breakfast this morning, then I ate a sub from Jersey Mike's for lunch, using the cheese as the bread and throwing the bread in the trash.  I had some popcorn shrimp and mac and cheese for dinner.  I realize these aren't the best food choices, but they are calories that I am taking in, and I am trying to take the steps to making sure I eat every day.  Once I get paid again, I'll be doing everything possible to eat Custom Fit Meals Paleo meals 3 meals/day, 5 days/week for the months of November and December.  I'm also going to start working with Next Level Nutrition on supplements during those same 2 months and seeing if I can't get myself turned around.  I've been working out now for 3 months, and am hoping and praying that having mastered that part already, it will be easier to focus on the food and put the workouts on cruise-control.

I also want to take this moment to thank every single person who is supporting me and sharing positive feedback with me on this blog and on my FB page.  You are all amazing, and helping to keep me motivated.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


Wow, somehow the weekend got away from me and I wasn't able to blog, so let me see if I can catch up or not. 

another crazy WOD.  I don't remember what all we had to do, and for some reason I didn't take a picture of the white board like I usually do.  The best I can remember we had to do 30 Dead Lifts, Run 400 meters, 30 Sumo High Pulls w/a Kettle Bell, 100 ab mat sit-ups (i only made it to 80) and 7 Wall Crawls, then maybe 15 dead lifts, Run 200 meters, 15 sumo high pulls, 50 ab mat sit-ups and 7 Wall Crawls.  It was a difficult but do-able workout.  Now that I think about it, I didn't take a picture because afterwards I was talking to Andrea about some of my food/eating issues.  She and I share a very unfortunate history of having an eating disorder.  While that sucks, having someone to talk to that understands that the age old, "It's really not that hard, you know you need to eat, so just do it" isn't helpful for someone who has an overwhelming fear of food and what it does to my body.  

I have made a couple of small realizations after this discussion with Andrea:
1--I need to get some help to get over the fear/anxiety that I have over managing my diet.
2--old fears and anxieties are rearing their heads now because I want this so badly and am frustrated at the slow progress
3--If I just eat what is available or what I want without holding my own feet to the fire about the healthiness of the food choice I don't have the issue with fear and anxiety.  When I start asking myself whether I am making good decisions or not is when this becomes a huge issue, because the fear and anxiety take over and then I just don't eat anything because I'd rather eat nothing at all, than to eat something really bad.  I know what you want to say to the screen now, so please refer to the underlined quote above.      

On Saturday I went to CrossFit Clayton for a nutritional workshop with Jared Olson of Next Level Nutrition and was blown away by the information I got.  Like any other person who is an intellectual, when I don't understand something, I start seeking out information so I can start to understand what I am facing, and this workshop was an AMAZING help.  I had Jared do the measurements for BioSignature profile and just happened to have the lab report from my physical in February in my car, so I was able to provide that information to him as well.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have never really grasped the concept that what I eat doesn't just affect my weight, it also affects all of my hormones and bodily functions and systems on a cellular level.  I am so grateful that God put me in a position to get to gain this knowledge and start to understand this.  I am going to be working with Jared and Next Level Nutrition to help me get my body back to doing what it is supposed to naturally, and part of that is to make a drastic change to my eating habits.  As time goes on, I am gaining more and more weapons for my health and wellness arsenal to reach my ultimate goals. 

Today's WOD was ROUGH!!  I knew when I saw it posted earlier in the day by someone else that some massive scaling was going to be involved if I didn't want it to take me 2 hours to finish.  The thing is, scaling weight is easy for me, but scaling the reps and running distance becomes more of a challenge.  I know it's the same concept, you can only do what your body is ready for and pushing your body beyond that will likely lead to injury, but it is more difficult and tends to make me feel like I'm taking the easy way out still.  So here is what the WOD looked like on the board: 

When we were stretching Coach Dan looked at me, remembering my conversation with him last week about scaling and feeling like I needed to know when it was appropriate to scale and said, "Half.  Just do half of everything."  I knew I would have to do half of the runs because the 3 miles prescribed would take me 45-50 minutes alone, and that is without stopping to lift weights.  I did do my 20 Thrusters, but realized very quickly that doing all of everything but half the running would still take me quite a long time.  After the thrusters, I moved to half of every exercise.  It ended up taking me 38:40 to finish the workout, even with it being Half.  Dan told me that the fact that I was finishing among the other people in class, not first, not last, indicates that it was scaled appropriately.  I totally get that, but can't help but wonder, how in the world I know what it will take to scale everything this well. 

Tonight is a run night, and I will be going 30 minutes.  My goal is to make it 2-1/2 miles in my 30 minutes, which would mean that I am picking up my pace and my endurance.  Hopefully starting to get on the right track with eating, and supplements and regular exercise will help me start to see the changes in my body happening faster, my strength and endurance improving, and my overall ability levels increasing as well.  In the mean-time, here is a picture that I found pretty darn amazing.  When someone is working toward losing weight, it is literally a day-to-day struggle, and because we see ourselves in the mirror every day, it is difficult to notice the small changes that are happening.  When I got ready for my workout last night I put on my Running Moms Mafia shirt from the Diva Half Marathon that was run in Myrtle Beach in May.  I believe the race was on May 20th, so not quite 5 months ago.  I was amazed at the difference, specifically around my mid-section.  There is an obvious roll of fat/skin above my belly button in the picture on the left, and while I wouldn't say I'm "thinner" that roll is obviously less noticeable.  So, not quite 3 months into CrossFit and 5 months out from the picture, and I see a noticeable difference around my mid-section.  I think I'll take another picture in this outfit at the end of the year to see the change with better nutrition and supplementation. 

 pic taken 5/20/12                                 pic taken 10/15/12

Friday, October 12, 2012

My Journey

So I logged in this morning and found the blog written by one of the girls in a Running Moms group I am a member of on Face Book  that talks about how every person's journey is their own, and should not be compared to another person's journey.

I was very moved by her post this morning because this is one of the very things I have been struggling with and even had a long chat with one of our CrossFit Apx coaches about last night.  He mentioned to me that the other night's WOD, I should probably have scaled more.  I scaled the knees-to-elbows, and the inverted burpees, and I reduced the weight that was prescribed, 75#, to 70#.  Other than that, I did the rest of the WOD as prescribed which is why it took me so darn long to complete it. 

Here's what I was talking to Dan about last night.  I'm still struggling so much with my journey, but desperately want to be capable of completing the WODs as they are written.  Sometimes I try to do more than I probably should.  Last week, two different times, one of the coaches approached me with a board that had the scaled workout for me written on it.  When Tyler approached me, it hurt my pride a bit.  I felt like it was even further confirmation that I'm not capable.  Dan told me I need to ask the coaches if I'm not sure how to scale, which is probably true, but I still feel like such a burden.  Why is it so hard for me to get this?

There are also all the other underlying, oh so fun tapes that play in my head.  I've always leaned on my intelligence because I really have truly felt that was all I had going for me.  Walking into a situation where I don't even have that to lean on in incredibly frustrating and intimidating.  I hate feeling inadequate and stupid even more than I hate being fat.  That is one of the many reasons that at age 37 I am still morbidly obese.  Admitting that I don't know how to make good decisions about food and probably need some intensive therapy to figure out why I'm afraid of the very thing that will help me see the results I want, food.  No one should be afraid of food, but I am.  My ignorance about food and exercise and how the body works in that way is so overwhelming that tacking such a huge unknown is difficult for me.  I have tackled far bigger obstacles in my life.  I have planned a memorial service for my own child.  I was the 2nd person on either side of my family to complete college.  I picked up and moved 500 miles from everything I have ever known 5 days after graduating from college because I knew where I wanted to live and it seemed logical.  I have done a lot of things, and can speak intelligently on most topics including sports, politics, foreign policy, my Christian faith, parenting and the like.  Why is this one so damn hard for me?  How hard is it to understand the inner workings of one's body, how to feed yourself for fuel and not indulgence, and how to work hard enough to burn the calories necessary to see the results you want to see in your body?  It probably isn't that hard for most people, but for me, it seems like an overwhelming and frightening task that I just haven't found the courage to tackle. 

The point is, my journey is my own.  I can't go to the box and compare what I am capable of doing to the other people there. Maybe they have been coming to work out there for 6 months to a year.  Maybe they have never struggled with their weight and don't realize how hard it is for someone my size to get up off the floor and do get-ups to burpees or get-ups to bronco kicks.  I guess the only fair way to say it is, I have no idea what it feels like to never question what your body is capable of and be able to get up and down without pain, discomfort, or looking like an 85 year old when your 37.  I can't expect them to understand what it's like to fight this battle from my perspective either.  The only person on the planet who knows what it is like to do that, is me.  So I need to understand and embrace the fact that my journey is my own and go from there.  Comparing myself and my journey to others isn't going to do anything but frustrate me more. 

Thank you, Hope, for pointing that out this morning.  I think I really needed to hear it!  Please check out Hope's blog at   She's a rock-star and an amazing woman.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Holy Moses...another PR!!!

So this week we are working on our max lifts.  Today we were working on max Dead lifts.  I started with my normal amount I dead lift in a WOD when I am doing it repeatedly, 40#.  Well, I got the learner bar up to 110# and Pete and Andrea told me it was too easy for me and I had maxed out the bar, so I needed to move to the big bar.  Now, I'm TERRIFIED of the big bar.  I've only ever used it once, to do my back squats the other night, and then I was right back to the learner bar.  So I jumped in with the 2 girls next to me who already had 165 on the bar, and did it pretty easily.  We kept creeping up, till we put 195 on the bar.  I didn't think for a second I'd be able to do it, especially after my hero, Shaade was unable to lift it.  I decided to give it one shot, and I did it!!!!  I dead lifted 195 pounds!!!  I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Now it was time for the WOD.  I took one look at it and said, "This WOD is brought to you by the things Krista just can't do yet."  Which was 100% true.  Makes for a really, REALLY slow workout.

The workout looked like this: 3 rounds for time (took me 24:50)
10 get-ups to burpees
15 back squats (rx was 75#, I did 70#)
15 knees to elbows (still can't do these, just hung on the bar and lifted my knees as far as I could)
10 inverted burpees (which I can't do the wall handstand yet, so I just did the get up to the bronco kicks)

**2 minute rest**

6 minute run I did 500 meters

Re-did my measurements tonight, last time I measured myself was on September 11, almost exactly 1 month ago.  My waist, hips and thigh are exactly the same measurement, but I have lost 2-1/2 inches in my bust.  YAY!!!!  progress is progress, and I'll take it.

So, here's the crux of my problem at this point.  As you can tell, while I'm still having struggles with the workouts, I'm finishing them.  I am getting far stronger.  I am capable of completing more and more.  On the working out side of things, everything is GREAT!!!  The problem is, my eating. I swear I need a damn babysitter to make me eat the right stuff at the right time.  Today is a good example of my issue.  I got coffee on the way to work, a large, with cream and sugar.  The next thing I had to eat or drink was 3 Twizzlers before I went to work out at 5:30, followed by a bowl of cereal when I got home from my workout.  This is why I am not seeing the results that I want to see even though I'm busting my butt at the box.  I haven't been hungry ALL DAY.  I don't even know what to say about this.  When I realized tonight that this is all I have eaten today, this is an obvious issue, and one I need to fix.  But I'm at a loss.  If I can get this part under control, I have no doubt I'll start seeing the results I want/need to see to stay motivated.

I'm at a loss right now.


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I reached a personal best!

Dedication is showing up to work out when it is 48* outside, and pretty much no heat in the building.  I say this because our normal 5:30 class is jam packed, we have to share equipment, pair up, and half of us have to start the WOD in the middle so we aren't using the same equipment at the same time.  yesterday?  Not an issue at all.  There were 8 of us there, and we could choose between 2 different WODs.  4 of us did each.

When I got there I was feeling a bit better and knew that the workout would make me feel better but I had no idea how much better.

Observation #1--doing pull-ups, knees to Elbows or anything that requires hanging from the bar, when it is cold...SUX!!!  I must get gloves, and soon, because just hanging there hurt.

This week at the box we are working on strength skills and finding our max.  Yesterday we did back squats.  It was the first time I have ever done back squats, so I was scared to death.  Add to that that Tyler said I could share with Shaade and Megan, both amazing and far stronger than I am, and I was a bit freaked out.  First of all, we were using the heavy bar (45#) and I always use the 20# (learner) bar.  Then they added a 10# plate to each side so we were starting at 65# for back squats.  I was scared to death, but I pulled it off.  5 back squats at 65#.  That felt good, and, I don't know, empowering?  Next round was 4 back squats, another 10# plate on each side, so that was 85#, and I did it.  Now for 3 back squats, add another plate to each side, now 105#.....and I did it.  Add some more weight, this time 5# to each side, so 2 back squats at 115#, and I did those too.  Now, we were down to 1 final back squat, and Shaade took off the 5# plates she had added the round before and replaced them with 10# plates, 125#.  Could I do a back squat at 125#?  Surely not.....but I did.  and it didn't hurt, it felt freaking great!!!

Now it's time for the WOD.  There were 2 to choose from, both the same concept, just different focus.  I did WOD 1 which was as follows:
10 Power Cleans (rx was 75#, I did 65#)--1 Push Press (65#)
9 Power Cleans (65#)--2 Push Press (65#)
8 Power Cleans (55# from here on)--3 Push Press
7 Power Cleans--4 Push press
6 Power Cleans--5 Push press
5 Power Cleans--6 Push Press
4 Power Cleans--7 Push Press
3 Power Cleans--8 Push press
2 Power Cleans--9 Push Press
1 Power Clean--10 Push Press

I finished in 11:29.  That was tough, and still today, I feel like my shoulders are going to shred at any moment. It was brutal but good.  I wish I had had time for the 2nd WOD, which would have been fun too:
10 Wall Ball Shots--1 Wall Ball Sit Up
9 Wall Ball Shots--2 Wall Ball Sit Ups
8 Wall Ball Shots--3 Wall Ball Sit Ups
so on and so forth until:
1 Wall Ball Shot--10 wall ball sit-ups

It felt so good to go work out, even though at first I didn't want to go.  I found a new personal best.  I didn't finish dead last for the first time in a LONG time, and I got the opportunity to cheer on some of my favorite people who always cheer me on.  It is nice to get to return the favor.  It feels good to be able to give back to those people what they always give to me.

There won't be a WOD tonight, it's my running day.  I'll be heading out at 9:00 with my next door neighbor for a run at 9:00.  My goal tonight is to maintain a consistent interval.  I am running in my neighborhood, so it'll be run to the next drive way, walk to the next drive way.  Run to the next, walk to the next.  I'm wondering if by doing this consistently from the beginning I can maintain a more steady pace and maybe make it further than I did last week.  I'll post once I'm done.


Monday, October 8, 2012


It is all about perspective I guess. 

I woke up this morning, late, and feeling hung over, though  I doubt 3 beers on Saturday night translate to a Monday morning hang-over.  I'm sore, my ears are stopped up, and I just wanted to stay in bed on this dreary, gray, cold day.  I laid there in bed rationalizing that I could miss today's workout, "no big deal".  After all, I was late waking up, no time to shave my legs, my stuff isn't packed for the workout, what would it hurt to miss it?  But then I got up and moving and convinced myself to pack my workout clothes anyway. 

I got to work, sauntered in, wishing I didn't have to be here.  The parking lot was empty this morning, thanks to it being Columbus day, fall break, and cold and dreary, there are NO students here today.  I even posted on Facebook how I didn't really want to work out, it was one of THOSE days where I'd go anyway, even though I didn't want to.  Then one of my amazing CrossFit Apex friends posted and told me to look at it from a different point of view. I don't HAVE to work out today, but I GET to work out today.  Which led me to a bit of a guilty feeling about the fact that I CAN workout, and so many people CAN'T. 

There are thousands of people in this country who can't work out for one reason or another, they are limited physically, or mentally, but either way, they just aren't able to get in a workout.  I CAN.  I have an amazing husband who will be home with our daughter after dance class for 2 hours before I get home.  I have an awesome mom who will be taking the other 2 to swim team, and they'll get home about 10-15 minutes before I do probably.  I have a supportive sister who will help chauffeur my 6 year old from school to dance class.  No one is mad at me for going to work out, they are all proud of me for taking the time to make myself healthier.  So who am I to complain about going to work out, when there are a ton of people with less supportive families and friends than I have? 

So, it's all about perspective.  Do I necessarily WANT to go workout today?  No.  But I CAN go workout today, and I WILL go workout today.  I will do it in the cold, and I won't push any less than if I was 100% in the mood for the workout.  I owe it to my supportive friends and family to make the best of every opportunity to work out.  I owe it to my kids to be the best role model possible.  I owe it to myself to find my full potential as a woman.  I want to know just how much this body can do, and right now, it is hand-cuffed with years of fat and sedentary lifestyle.  So, I'll go, and I'll push, and I'll bust my ass, because in all seriousness, that's how I will know what I am really made of. 

So, to CrossFit I go tonight....and I'll post about it tonight once I get home.


Friday, October 5, 2012

Don't EVER give up!

Sitting here eating my favorite after workout breakfast, scrambled eggs with salsa.

Today's workout SUCKED, but was awesome at the same time.  How is that even possible?  I ask myself that every single day.  How is it possible that sucks so bad can feel good.

Warm up:
100 meter run
10 push-ups
10 air squats

Workout--This is MY varied workout, not what was prescribed
30 walking lunges carrying a 10# plate
50 box jumps using 12" box (not to everyone out there, doing these with your feed wider apart makes it easier, a new discovery for me today.  Thanks Karen!  You rock for pointing this out!)
20 Sumo high-pulls  with 40#
20 kettle bell swings with 26# kettle bell
20 power cleans with 40#
20 burpees--I had to use the 12" box to modify these because I was so shot after the box jumps
20 push presses
10 hand-stand push-ups, which I did with my knees on a 20" box because I can't do real ones yet

Now, let me say, not eating before the workout, BAD IDEA!!!  Not having a water bottle with me, Even WORSE idea.

By the time I finished my 50 box jumps and 10 sumo high pulls, Tyler came over with a small white board with reduced numbers of each of the exercises above.  I was feeling pretty overwhelmed already by the box jumps (I've never done 50 in a WOD before let alone all at one time) and the scaled WOD was, I don't know, embarrassing?  I did the next 10 Sumo high pulls and felt myself starting to wobble.  I was woozy, hot and light-headed.  I went and got a small drink of water and sat down on the bench.  I decided I couldn't allow myself to quit, and walked back over to where I was working out.  I sat down on my box, I pulled my shirt up over my face and cried.  I cried because I didn't want to quit, but thought I was going to have to.  My pride hurt worse than anything else.  I was failing, and I wasn't going to be able to finish even the scaled workout.  When I opened my eyes, Tyler was sitting there asking me what hurt.  He gave me a little pep-talk  and talked about how hard I was working.  He told me that there were going to be good and bad days.  I wouldn't be able to have perfect workouts every day.  After I heard him out, my head had stopped spinning, and I went to try to finish my workout.  I did my 20 kettle bell swings in chunks, 10, then 6, then 4, then 2.  I did my power cleans in 2 groups of 10.  When it came time to do my burpees I knew I was going to have to do the modified version with the box.  I had to do them 1 or 2 at a time, but I got through them.  I did my 20 push-presses without stopping.  When it came time to do my push-ups with my knees on the box.  I got up on the box, but then couldn't figure out how to get my hands on the floor without falling off the box.  I did my hand stand push-ups without stopping.  I finished my workout in 23:48 I think, but I did finish it.  More importantly, I finished it strong.  I never gave up.  And we can't give up.  Those of us who are on this journey to lose this much weight can never give up trying.  If we give up, the fat wins.  We have to continue to fight.  Sometimes it is fun, and we have huge accomplishments to show for it, but other times, it is incredibly difficult   and giving up seems like the logical next step.  Giving up is never logical.  Keep fighting, and I have to believe, some day, we will see the results that we are longing for.

Princess Biscuit

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Sissy Test

My day off today wouldn't have been complete without a workout.  So, after I dropped the kids off to school, Ella and I headed to the box.  Got warmed up and stretched and then Tyler told us that we were going to do the Sissy Test today.  I pretty much know that I am a sissy, so volunteered to take that as fact and skip straight to Tabata training.  Tyler, who is AMAZING said, "nope, you're going to have to prove it."

So here is my modified version of the "Sissy Test"

800 meter run
15 pull ups
1 crucifix push up (on my knees)
13 pull ups
3 crucifix push up
11 pull ups
5 crucifix push ups
9 pull ups
7 crucifix push ups
7 pull ups
9 crucifix push ups
5 pull ups
11 crucifix push ups
3 pull ups
13 crucifix push ups
1 pull up
15 crucifix push ups
800 meter run

Took me 32:48 to complete it.

Tabata training today was 20 seconds on, 10 second break, 20 seconds on 10 second break.  The 2 movements we did were dead lifts and squat jumps.  I used 40 pounds for my deadlifts.  Feels awesome to have completed that, and now, at 9:00 tonight, have a date with the neighbor to run for 30 minutes.

Rockin' out the workouts.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I did real burpees!!!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS, today has been an AMAZING day!!!

First, God answered the prayers of many for one of my best friends of 23 years.  Then, we got good reports from Daddy's doctor that he has not had any additional mini-strokes, today was my Friday at work, and then I went to work out.

Now, for those of you who don't do CrossFit, this should give you an idea how it feels to do a CrossFit Workout:

I'm pretty sure I typically resemble the guy in the yellow tank and the guy laying in the ground struggling to breathe.  If you ever wonder about the exercises that I reference in my blog, you can always watch videos to show you what these exercises are supposed to look like.  You can find those videos here to help understand the things that I post.  

So, tonight's WODs were kinda crazy, but totally awesome for the fact that while I worked it out at a snail's pace, every one of the 3 WODs had exercises that intimidated the hell out of me and that are WAY outside of my comfort zone.  

The first WOD I did was 7 minute AMRAP (as many rounds/reps as possible)
run 200 meters
7 T2B (toes to bar) I just did pull my knees as far up to my chest as possible 
5 inverted burpees  Fat chance, I did an air squat and a bronco kick
**I completed 1 full round of this plus another 200, & another 7 knee lifts 

WOD #2, again a 7 minute AMRAP
10 bent over rows
10 burpees over bar (do a burpee and jump over the bar)
Tonight was the first night I did real burpees.  No 12" box under my hands, I actually went all the way to the floor and got up.  I looked more like I was 87 than 37, but I did it.  I only completed 2 full rounds of this WOD, but with as slow as I was getting up and down, I'm ok with that.

WOD#3: another 7 minute AMRAP
10 box jumps (I used a 12" box)
10 air squats
20 ab-mat situps
I completed 2 full rounds of this one in 7 minutes as well.  I actually did all the box jumps too, no step-up step-down like I used to have to do.  The box jump is mentally intimidating for most people.  If you don't have your mind right, you WILL fall, which has always been my biggest fear.  

My numbers for each WOD were far lower than most everyone else at the box today.  The fact of the matter is, I don't give a shit.  This is a process.  Sometimes I will be proud of the numbers and the times.  Sometimes I will NOT be proud of the time, but I will be proud of the accomplishments I made.  And sometimes, just showing up is good enough, because that is out of my comfort zone.  The face it, it is a process, and one that I am becoming more and more proud of on a daily basis.  It's going to take me a year or so to get where I want to be weight-wise.  It will be so sweet to get there, and will be worth every time I couldn't finish a work out, every time I was able to complete a new exercise.  Each little success is another brick in my wall of success.  I'll get there quickly enough, in the just right amount of time.  

Until next time....

Princess Biscuit

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


I went on my second run tonight, which was the first time I have ever been on a night run.  I really enjoyed the quiet and solitude it provided.  I put my headphones on and just started running around my neighborhood.  It was really, really nice, and quiet, but a bit more steamy than my lungs approved of.

My running coach asked me to run 25 minutes.  I was supposed to see how long I could run the first time, until I got winded, and then walk till I was recovered.  I am also supposed to keep her up-to-date on what I was feeling during the run.  My first running interval was 1:30.  I noticed about .65 miles in that my calves were incredibly tight and feeling like they were tied in knots.  As the run progressed, running became more and more difficult because the tightness in my calves made my knees uncomfortable.  I also realized about a mile in that my lower back is incredibly uncomfortable.

I ended up making it 24 minutes, 1.8 miles, with an average pace of 13:13 min/mile.  Now, if only I can replicate this pace consistently for 13.1 miles, I'll be right under 3 hours for completing the Princess Half.  My ultimate goal is just to finish, but if I could finish in under 3 hours, I would be incredibly proud.

Princess Biscuit


October is National Anti-Bullying Month and there is no time like the present to address this issue in this little space of mine.  I have to say that I was never bullied as a child, and I pray that my children never are, but the reality is, statistically speaking, at least one of my children will face this in their lifetime.

I was led to post this after sing this news story/editorial on Emily Joy (from BL13) facebook page.  I guess I am left to wonder what this world is coming to.  How is it that any person watches the news and thinks to themselves, "Gee, I don't think that news personality realizes she is overweight when she looks in the mirror every day, maybe I should send her an email and drive home her responsibilities as a role model."  Who does that?

For anyone who is wondering, though I don't think any of my friends could possibly be this dense, anyone is overweight/obese is painfully aware of their situation.  It's not like we look in the mirror in the morning and say, "hmmmm, look at that beautifully skinny woman looking back at me.  I look hot, I am skinny, healthy, and have a perfect body.  That scale must be wrong, or someone is standing behind me putting their foot on it."  What we shouldn't do, though most of us are guilty of it, is attach our self-worth to the number on the scale.  As the reporter puts it so eloquently, "I am more than a number on a scale".

All of this doesn't just apply to weight, it applies to anything.  Weight, looks, acne, sexual preference, height, you name it.  Bullying and disrespect are learned behaviors.  No one is born knowing how to be hateful and disrespectful to others, these are learned behaviors.  So be a responsible parent and role model to your children by teaching them to treat others with the same dignity and respect that you would want to be treated.  Teach your children tolerance rather than hatred, and love rather than bullying.


Monday, October 1, 2012

Holy Hell!!!

Holy Hell, tonight's WOD was enough to have me still queasy 75 minutes later, which is fitting because we did 75 of everything in tonight's WOD, so it's only fitting to be sick and shaky for 75 minutes after the workout was over.

So, after our stretching and warm-up, we worked on squats and kettle bell swings.  Then it was time to start the WOD.

75 Wall-ball shots (I used an 8# ball, rx was 14#)
75 burpees (as always, I had to use a 12" box)
75 kettle bell swings (I used a 26# kettle bell for 59 of them, 10# for the last 16)
75 ab mat sit-ups

It took me 27:03 to finish.  I was the last one to finish, and thankfully, Jim rallied the troops, and I think every person at the 5:30 class was clapping and cheering me on.  I don't think I opened my eyes after about the 29th sit up.  I couldn't.  I couldn't talk.  All I could do was breathe and count, and both were becoming increasingly difficult.  When I was on 49, Jim said, "Just one more and you're done."  I said, "No, 1 more doesn't = 75" and just kept plugging along.  I always feel guilty when the whole rest of the class is cheering me on and like a total loser, but I didn't feel that way today.  I went in knowing that I wasn't 100%.  I have bronchitis, and asthma, and an ear infection.  The reality is, while the asthma and bronchitis could easily keep me from finishing a workout, I can't allow that to keep me from starting the workout.  Whether I finish or not is irrelevant on days like today.

I was hoping to finish in 25 minutes or less, but that didn't happen.  I took 27:03, but I finished.  I finished damn it.  It hurt, and I still feel like I am going to vomit, but I finished.

Another WOD down, hundreds more to go!