Just over 6 months ago I went under the knife to FINALLY take the most drastic step I knew of to finally beIat my obesity, once and for all.
First let me say that there have been a few people in the last 6 months who have questioned my decision. But 6 months ago I decided....
I decided I was tired of being tired
I decided I was tired of hearing "you don't LOOK like you weigh 270#"
I decided I was tired of telling my kids I couldn't play with them
I decided I was tired of being afraid of being seen with my husband in public for fear of the people who would wonder what he was doing married to a cow when he was so cute
I decided I was tired of waking up in pain EVERY SINGLE MORNING
I decided I was tired of my knees and ankles swelling every time I walked more than 100 yards
I decided I was tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself
I decided I was tired of being ashamed
I decided that it was time for me to take my life back. To do what I needed to do to be the wife and mother I had always dreamed of being, to hell with the judgment of others.
These 6 months have not only changed me physically they have changed me mentally, and in ways I never would have thought possible.
This weekend on the heels of my 6 months Surgiversary, my husband and I took the kids to a hotel at the beach with an indoor water park. They were shocked that I bought a bathing suit. They were more shocked when I put it on, and couldn't contain their excitement when I told them that Yes, I would ABSOLUTELY be going down the water slides with them. I am 74 pounds smaller now than when I began this journey, and hands down, I can honestly say that given the opportunity, the only thing I would change is how long it took me to take this step to reclaim my life. I just looked back too, and I've lost a total of 20.25 inches since October 29.
Today I wore a dress that I have owned for 3 years but never been able to wear because it was too tight, and very unflattering. Yesterday, I wore an outfit that I had had for at least 11 years, and had never felt comfortable wearing it in public because of how it hung on me.
Sitting by the pool, in the jacuzzi I wasn't the least bit concerned about anyone looking at me, or why the might be looking at me. Some of my insecurities have vacated my brain almost completely, but some still screech at me so loudly I can barely hear myself think.
I started this journey knowing that my highest weight ever was 270 pounds....and today, I weighed 194. Yesterday when I went to see my doctor for my 6 month check up, he hugged me, told me I was doing awesome and to keep up the good work. He asked if he could take a picture with me and post it to the practice's face book page. Who am I? Who is this woman that isn't afraid to look in the mirror anymore? Who is this woman that isn't afraid to put on a bathing suit in front of strangers? Who is this woman that no longer walks around staring at the ground for fear of seeing judgment in the faces of the people who pass by?
The fact is, I really don't know who I am anymore. I mean, I'm the same person really, but I don't recognize myself, physically or mentally right now. I so confused when I put on a size 14 dress, or shorts that look FAR too tiny to fit on me, and they are actually a bit too big. I've donated so many bags of clothes it frightens me, and I still have more to go through. I can't wear some of my favorite clothes, and the clothes I now fit in just look entirely too small on the hangar.
I still have another 50-60 pounds that I'd like to lose, and I figure it'll take me another 6-12 months for that to happen.
I'm still in physical therapy for my knee. The downside to this awesome surgery, is that I cannot take any anti-inflammatory medications. That makes the recovery from knee surgery that builds internal swelling a bit troublesome. I go to PT 2x/week, and then I can barely walk for 2-3 days. Anyone else would take an Aleve, feel better the same day and keep on truckin'....I can't do that. I just have to let my body deal with the swelling in its own time, so most of the time right now, I feel like there is a balloon blown up inside my knee, and it isn't all that comfortable to walk.
I really need to get started walking/running so that I can get trained for the RNR half in Chicago on July 20. I'm already registered, and my goal is a 3 hour half....but if I can't start moving and building up some mileage and endurance, that is NEVER going to happen.
Well, it's time to sign off for now, Here's to hoping that by this time next month, I'm in the 180's, back to running/walking and working out, all pain free on the knee.