Today I found victory in my failure. I was not able to complete the WOD today, for the first time since I started working out at CrossFit Apex. The WOD in and of itself wasn't horribly difficult, but it was pretty hot, ridiculously humid and I went out way too fast.
50 wall ball shots
Then 3 rounds of the following:
10 power cleans (RX was 105, I did 55#)
40 double-unders (I can't do those yet, so it was 40 tuck jumps for me)
run 200 meters
Finish up with 50 burpees after the 3 rounds above.
I was doing pretty well, really, and at 25 minutes or so I was done with my 3 rounds and moving to burpees. Something about the down to the 12" box then up and jumping in the air started messing with my equilibrium and it wasn't good. I finished 5 and took a break, finished 10 and took a break. At this point, John started to get concerned because I wasn't breathing well, (damn asthma + humidity). I could still talk to him. I did 5 more burpees to finish 15, still talking. I did 1 more and as I landed from my jump I felt my whole body start to wobble like a weeble. I found a bench to sit down on, in front of the fan, and John came over to tell me I was done. I really didn't want to be. I thought I could get up and finish those last 34 burpees, but in reality, that would NOT have ended well.
I have to say, the huge victory in this is that I didn't quit, John made me. I didn't give up on myself. My body gave up on me. I was trying so hard o finish my work out that my body just couldn't keep up. I'm that girl who used to go to the gym, start walking/running on the treadmill and as soon as it started to get tough, I'd turn off the treadmill and go do something else. I don't like feeling uncomfortable in my workouts. I typically quit before it gets too hard. But I'm not quitting on myself anymore. I'm pushing myself. Today I found my max, but that's a good thing, it means I truly pushed myself to my limits. Next time I'll be able to finish those last 34 burpees, but for today, I'm still incredibly proud of myself.
Edited to add, I decided to go back and read my blog about the Princess Half Marathon this year, and my sister's. I started this journey of honesty and using my failure to push me to succeed back in February at the Princess. I decreed back then that I was going to use my failure to finish the princess as motivation to push myself and be prepared to finish it in 2013, and 6 months later, I am still true to my word. I haven't sabotaged or given up on myself yet, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me.