Well, sometimes I just wish I could shut off my emotions and let my body do what it is supposed to do. Unfortunately I am just not good at that, and tonight was worse than most. I have heard for years that the most difficult part of losing weight is the commitment and the food part. Just about anyone can go to the gym and kick ass for an hour and sweat their butt off, but it's what you eat between those workouts that not only fuels your body, it helps determine how much weight you lose and how many inches you lose, etc. I've seen one of those Facebook post cards that said, "An Olympic workout can't out train a bad diet". True enough.
Let's be honest, for some people, it can. I have been jealous/bitter for years that some of my friends have the ability to eat whatever they want and never gain a pound. My husband is even one of these people. What I have come to learn over the years is that even if that is true, the picture of the outside is not a true representation of what the body is doing on the inside. As an example, even though I am 5'2" and weigh 260 pounds, my blood pressure and cholesterol levels are normal. I'm not even pre-diabetic yet, let alone diabetic. I have been very fortunate thus far to not be diagnosed with any of the highly-touted co-morbidities associated with obesity, though I'm completely aware it is just a matter of time.
All of this rambling is to say when confronted with my eating habits tonight, I was completely freaked out. See, I have been eating Custom Fit Meals for the last 3 or 4 weeks, and it was so easy that way. I ordered food on Tuesday, it showed up on the following Sunday and Wednesday. I had no concern about what to cook, or making good decisions, except telling them what to send me. Well, it's the end of the month, I only get paid once/month (on the last day) and the money for Custom Fit Meals ran out this week. I forgot my lunch at home, and when mom brought me lunch, I had a double cheeseburger from McDonald's and a diet coke. Not what I have been eating, and trust me, my stomach hates me right now. Having to stand in the office at the box having a discussion with some of my friends that are trying to help me about what I ate today was overwhelming and embarrassing! I appreciate their help, I just need to not let the feeling that I have let them down affect my workout.
So, for tonight's WOD, which didn't look all that daunting on the board, I was already in the wrong place mentally. I was already feeling very overwhelmed by being a screw up. My brain was almost in shut-down mode before I touched a single thing. Then we started. Today's WOD was 5 deadlifts, 5 power cleans and 5 thrusters, on the minute, every minute for 20 minutes. This sounds simple enough, but I assure you, it isn't simple AT ALL!! The prescribed weight was 45# for ladies, which is what I started with since it is well within my normal lifting. I got through 3 rounds like that, and then took off 5 pounds so I was down to 40#. I did the last 5 rounds with 40 pounds. Because of the "start on the minute" part I was only able to finish 8 rounds total. I was having this internal argument with myself that I had already blown the day by not eating right so why was I bothering? Then the asthma started kicking up, and I could hear myself wheezing horribly, followed by the coughing, and gagging and almost getting sick. Yet another reason to quit, but I came back to keep trying. There were 2 or 3 minute marks that I started and got through the dead lifts but couldn't continue with the power cleans. If my memory serves, I did my 8 rounds at minutes 20, 19, 18, 17, 14, 8, 5 and 2. I obviously had long breaks in there, and while embarrassing, at least I didn't walk away when that is all I really wanted to do. I happened to park out behind the building tonight, and at one point I contemplated whether or not I could sneak out the back door and be gone before the WOD was over and not have to face any of the people I was working out with, but then I wouldn't have been able to put my equipment up, and someone else would have had to do it. Also, I would have been cheating myself and my friends out of the respect they were due for completing the workout.
Today was NOT a stellar day, but I did the best I could considering. Tomorrow, I will get up and go for a run. 25 minutes is on the agenda, and I will have to figure out what I'm going to eat tomorrow as well. Maybe some yogurt, fruit and hot tea for breakfast, no clue for lunch, and pork chops for dinner.
Till next time,
Princess Biscuit
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