So, last weekend I decided it was time to jump WAY outside of my comfort zone. I have heard repeatedly that if you want to change, you have to push yourself into a place you aren't comfortable. This is a major leap for me, because I am of the firm belief that I should be prepared at all time. I typically do not undertake any task that I haven't already prepared for, both mentally and physically for a long time. I didn't try out for athletics teams in high school unless I KNEW I had the ability to make the team. When I tried out for Softball, I KNEW i had the skills to make it. When I tried out for color guard, I knew I could do it. I've never gone completely out of my comfort zone but once (remember the Princess Half Marathon 2012?) Well, when I've jumped really far out of my comfort zone, I have failed, MISERABLY! So, fast forward to now, 2 weeks before a CrossFit competition. On the day of the War of the WODs, I will be 1 day shy of 6 months at CrossFit. I have been told that CrossFit competitions aren't about judgement and that I'm not going to embarrass myself or anyone else, and that it is a very supportive environment, but really? All 254# of me, competing at a a CrossFit competition? Am I going to be the laughing stock for how much I have to scale? Has I lost my mind?
Last night I was invited to a WOD specifically for those folks who are competing at Greensboro. They have started to release the WODs for the scaled division. After signing up I realized that some of the women at our box that I look up to the most and jokingly, but in all seriousness say regularly, "I want to be her when I grow up" about, are going to be in the same division....including one of our coaches. WOW...I WAY overestimated my ability to participate in this. When I went to the WOD last night I had a specific strategy in my head, and failed. I think I went too fast right out of the gate, and if I had slowed down, controlled my breathing and stuff, I could have done more reps, because I got gassed really quick since my cardio is my downfall. I'm going to try the WOD again, maybe this Sunday with a totally different strategy and see if it goes better. I just don't know.
After last night, I am even more certain that I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I keep going back to the blog I read last week, about a CrossFit Athlete in San Diego who started CrossFit at 418 pounds. At the time the blog was written, she was at 268 pounds in 2 years. In the blog it talks about how this lady has signed up for every competition they have hosted at their box, and has visited 72 different boxes since she started CrossFit. This is the hard part for me, and probably for most overweight folks. The reality is, we have a comfort zone where we have surrounded ourselves with people who may not understand our struggle, but have grown to like us, and encourage us. I feel that way at CrossFit APX. The coaches are amazing, our box owner has believed in me since day 1, when I clearly didn't. I've spent hours sitting on a big tire in the parking lot talking to Andrea about eating disorders, the process of gaining strength, confidence and the journey of health and fitness. It is scary to go to another box, or put myself out in front of people who don't know how far I've come, especially when my biggest fear is being judged for my weight. I keep reminding myself of Irene Mejia and what she has accomplished, I know that it is time to push beyond my comfort zone, and take the next step. I have a huge support system, both my family and my box, but I don't have the self-confidence. This is so SCARY for me, but I'm going to do my very best. I will push beyond my fear, and I will do everything within my power to finish strong at this competition.
Wow--this is scary, but it needs to be done! I can't succeed at something I'm too scared to try, so here goes nothing!