Well, you have all probably noticed that I haven't posted about my workouts this week and the very simple reason for that is that I haven't worked out. I have been fighting migraines all week, and just feeling unmotivated to do anything other than pull the covers up over my head pretending that the world doesn't exist. Let me explain why.
First, I had such a horribly migraine this weekend, one so bad that I felt like my eyeballs were pulsating in their sockets and I could SEE my heartbeat. It took me a good couple of days, till late Wednesday afternoon to finally completely get rid of the pain.
Then there have been a lot of my friends going through extremely difficult times. I needed to step back and re-evaluate where I was myself and what my motivations for things are. I have been privy to the knowledge that a group of people who claim to be friends and Christians are apparently doing all they possibly can to demolish the business and reputation of someone who has done more for me to help me through this journey than I could ever have asked. The fact is, the viciousness with which they are attacking this person is so offensive and frightening I can't even comprehend it. It is a personal vendetta taken to the extreme limits of my comprehension. I will NEVER understand how any self-respecting person could do the things that are being done in this situation. People who are this hateful, mean and spiteful must really hate themselves to treat someone as genuine and wonderful the way that they are.
Fast forward a few days and I find out that the husband of an online friend in a group of women who have been together for 5 years since we all went through the loss of our babies that were due in May of 2008 has cancer. This group of women have thrown baby showers for subsequent pregnancies, supported each other through addiction, domestic violence, secondary infertility, infidelity, divorce, dating, children with special needs and re-marriages. This week we found out that the husband of one of our beloved campers has stage 4 bowel cancer and surgery is not an option. Tori and Rob have 2 children the ages of my 2 girls, 6 and 4. Rob has 2 older children from his previous marriage. I cannot even begin to comprehend how they must be feeling right now, and all I can think is that I don't know how I would be able to function if I were in their shoes. They are handling this diagnosis with more strength and grace than I can comprehend, and all I can think is how badly I wish I could be there, though I don't know that I would even be able to say ANYTHING or do ANYTHING worth saying or doing, other than offer support.
It hit me as I was wallowing in all of this drama and sadness, that if I don't get off my ass and make a serious change to my lifestyle, it could be my family that is in Tori and her boys' shoes. It could be my family trying to explain to my kids why mommy had a stroke, or a heart attack, or one of the various other issues that comes along with morbid obesity. So its time to get it in gear. It is okay to grieve for my friends and to wish I could help them with everything in my power. But the biggest thing I can do in honor, respect and tribute of them and their struggles is to make sure that my family doesn't have to walk in the same shoes they are walking in right now.
So, let me take this opportunity to tell Andrea, how much I appreciate your support, knowledge and understanding. Your journey from bulemia to health and fitness is nothing short of amazing and miraculous. Being able to talk to someone who has fought the fight that I'm in round 1 of right now makes it easier to put the puzzle together and almost make sense of it all. You are an inspiration, and a consummate professional. You treat everyone you encounter with the dignity and respect you would want in return, and it has served you well in your life and career. You rock socks, I don't care what anyone else thinks, says, feels or posts.
Tori and Rob, I can't begin to comprehend what lies ahead of you and how you are feeling. Please know that you and your families are in my prayers, and will remain there at all times. If anyone is ornery enough to kick cancer's ass, it is most definitely, Mr. Contraction. We love you both.