I have been told numerous times that people respect my honesty in my blog. So I feel like I need to get really honest about the race on Sunday.
I am going to get my foot checked out today to see if there is a stress fracture or not, but the fact of the matter is, I could have finished. I should have finished. I saw the balloon lady go past me and I punked out and gave up on myself. Denise didn't give up on me, she kept telling me not to stop and that I could make it, but she believed in me more than I believed in myself.
No one else has told me that I could have done it, it is a realization I came to last night when talking to my husband. I told him that I wanted my foot to be fractured because I wanted to have a legitimate excuse to have not finished. Either way, I psyched myself out and gave up on myself. When I told my mom this this morning, she agreed, and said that my sister had even said that I could have finished.
This realization is hard, but it has also lit a fire under my ass that has previously been unknown to me. I spent last night looking for half marathons that I had time to train for and could afford to go to. I have asked my mom to pay for my race entry to the Diva Half in September in Washington DC/Loudoun County Virginia as my birthday present. We have friends up there that I would love to see, but more than anything, I NEED TO DO THIS. I need to finish a half marathon. I NEED to not give up on myself and punk out. I need to accomplish this task. I am on record for saying that I am my own worst critic and have been for years. The fact of the matter is, when I saw the balloon lady, nice as she may be, I flipped out! I cried, and I gave up on myself. I'm sick and damn tired of giving up on myself....It's time to finish what I started.
Please mom, will you pay for my race entry? I need to do this.