Day 1

Okay---let's try this again.  The fact of the matter is, I have slacked off to a point that I am just NOT happy with what is going on with my body.  I have allowed myself to slip back into my really bad eating habits, and habits of laziness, lounging, etc.  TOday is day 1 of this journey....AGAIN!  I didn't eat all that great today, but we did make it to the gym this evening for our appointment with Joan (a personal trainer at the gym).  Joan showed Barney and I quite a few exercises that we can do together, and things that we can do alternating sets with the other.  I am already feeling it, and will feel it even more tomorrow, I am sure.  I think the most devastating part of today was that she used calipers to determine my body fat percentage, rather than the silly little maching that you hold out in front of you after entering your age, sex, height and weight.  According to the measurements she did today, I am currently at a body-fat percentage of 40.8.  UGH!!!  Not a good feeling, and definitely NOT a comfortable number to hear.  I have a VERY long way to go, and I will get there, no matter how many hurdles I have to jump over or obstacles I have to climb.  I will make it through this! 

A wonderful friend of mine (Thanks Chris) told me this weekend that he felt like I had an awesome heart and drive, and I just needed to get my head and body in agreement with my heart.  That's the thing...It isn't that my head and body don't necessarily agree with my heart, they do, it is because I have some very ugly tapes that play in my head on a daily, if not hourly basis.  I have to fight through the fact that every single minute of the day I tell myself that I don't deserve to be healthy, I don't deserve to be thin.  The biggest obstacle for me to overcome is going to be that negative self-talk.  If anyone knows any wonderful remedies for this, I'd love to hear them. 

As of now, my plan is simply to fake it until I make it.  I'm going to go to the gym at least 4 or 5 times a week, I'm going to attend classes and work out with my husband.  I am going to attend weight watchers and write down every single bite I put into my mouth.  I will be successful at this as I have been in many other aspects of my life.  Most-importantly, I am going to do my very best to be as gently with myself when I have small failures as I would be with anyone else that I love and am friends with.  I have found that I hold myself to a much higher standard than I do others in my life.  I forgive others far sooner than I forgive myself and that really isn't fair to me. 

You will notice that I entitled this post "Day 1".  I am doing this as a way of keeping myself accountable.  Please keep me on my toes, and if I don't post, feel free to ask me how my day went.  I am hoping to make posts on a daily basis....

So...the journey continues.