Detour on my journey to health and fitness...this one is for self discovery!

Wow—where have the last 18 days gone?  Well, I can say, that the school prep here in the Blackburn household is a bit crazy and off-the-charts.  3 children in some version of school makes me want to cringe.  Justin has started 2^nd grade and LOVES his teacher, Mrs. Turner.  Ada went to Kindergarten testing last Thursday, but we won’t know who her teacher is until tomorrow or Tuesday.  Ella has the same 2 year old teachers that Ada had, and I love them so much.  Miss Pam and Miss Margot are unparalleled when it comes to loving children that they didn’t give birth to.  I have already warned them of Ella’s feisty attitude and behavior, and just hope that they aren’t driven to drink and require rehab before the end of the year. 

Thanks to all of the craziness, the exercise plan has kind of fallen by the way side, but I am back on track now, and will be staying there.  I went to Body Combat today, and it felt AMAZING!  I have to say, that a few weeks away from the workout routine means that I had some serious difficulty keeping up.  I should have used my inhaler, but didn’t, so now I’ve got that asthmatic cough/wheeze going on.  It’ll be good by tomorrow morning, just in time for me to go to Body Pump at 5:15 a.m. and dance class tomorrow night. 

Now is the fun part….I had no idea that a journey to health and fitness would take me down a road so fraught with self-discovery.  See, here’s the thing, I know for sure that I have spent way too much time, the majority of my 36 years making decisions based on what would make those around me the least offended.  I have never really known who I was for the most part, and when I have, I refused to follow what I wanted unless I had approval from the other people in my life.  Of course, there was the stereo-typical boyfriend the parents didn’t love and I didn’t break up with him, but I’m talking about more serious issues here.  I have come to the stark realization that 36 years of living this way has left me incredibly confused, depressed at times, and frequently lost and misunderstood by the people in my life.  I was once told I was flakey because I tended to start things and not finish them.  This is very true, but this has been a personality flaw of mine.  You see, I may not have ever wanted to do whatever it was I started and once the hype of the folks in my life past, I walked away since I never intended to be involved from the beginning.  Other times, I started something I wanted to do, but ran into loud objections from the people in my life so stopped those things because I didn’t have the support of those around me.  I have let this be such a huge part of my life, that I actually remember a time in college when I bought a pair of boots that I ABSOLUTELY LOVED!  I was so proud, and loved them so much.  A family member, and my boyfriend at the time both were very vocal about how much they disliked them, and couldn’t believe that I did.  I was told that they “weren’t me” etc.  Believe it or not, I actually returned the boots that I loved so much because of the disapproval I had encountered.  How ridiculous is this?  Well, it is time that I grow up and start living MY life.  The life that I want to live, and following my heart.  In that vein, I have registered for dance classes for the first time in about 20 years.  I will be taking Liturgical and Jazz on Monday nights.  I am starting my master’s degree in the fall, in middle grades math, and I even went and got my nose pierced the other day.  Why?  Simply because I wanted to.  I have wanted to for a long time, but again, didn’t due to the objections of some of the people in my life. 

So, I’m at the point where I’m half way through my year of health and fitness that I promised myself. I said that for my 36^th birthday I was going to give myself a healthy lifestyle, and get my weight to where I wanted it before my 37^th birthday.  I’m half way through the year, and currently have only lost 20 pounds of the 120 I wanted to lose.  (If you are thinking that I had lost more than that, you are right, but I’ve gained 6 pounds back at this point.)  I am back on the horse, and going to be very serious about this life choice because I refuse to spend another year of my life miserable, disappointed in myself, and uncomfortable every time I see myself in the mirror. 

Thanks for reading!

Krista