Well, I have been struggling with the decision about whether or not to try out for The Biggest Loser, season 13, and yesterday, everything kind of piled up and smacked me in the face. Darn reality checks....so, first, let me tell you about all the things that happened, then I will tell you about my decision.....
I have had a struggle internally since I first thought of applying for "The Biggest Loser" back in season 2 or 3, when Justin was a Baby. My struggle then, now and every season in between was, "Would I really be able to leave my children for 4-5 months?" I mean, let's be honest, being fit, healthy, in shape, and $250,000 richer would be AMAZING, but I just don't know that I could handle being separated from my kids for that long. Last year I auditioned as a favor to my mom who was absolutely mortified that I had sought information about possibly having gastric bypass surgery. She feared for my safety, so offered to pay for me to travel to the open casting call in Orlando, FL. The CC was an amazing experience and I met some really amazing people both online and in person from this amazing experience...but the questions still remained.
Yesterday, Barney and I went for our fitness assessment at the new gym we just started at, and met with a trainer who was absolutely AMAZING! In our conversation, she talked about teaching us how to work out when we aren't with her, (something my previous trainer never once did, I can only assume his reason was to make me dependent on him so I had to continue to pay him and he would get richer as I got thinner.) In that conversation she mentioned that the only "diet" she ever recommends is "Weight Watchers" because they actually teach you how to eat in a way that you can sustain for a lifetime. She kept repeating the phrase, "All things in moderation".....
So last night, at a bit before midnight I was perusing twitter one last time before bed, and came across a post from Olivia Ward who won BL11. She had just posted a new blog (check out http://www.myfitspiration.com/) and I went over to read it before retiring. Olivia was very honest about people questioning her about her workout regime and whether it would be sustainable for the remainder of her life. I won't even try to share the entirety of her thoughts, but I did glean from it that she felt like what worked for her wouldn't likely work for everyone else, and that it was about finding balance in our lives. She is going from working out 8 hours a day on the Biggest Loser Ranch to being home and only working out 90 minutes a day.
In the very moment that I finished reading Olivia's post I instantly knew a few things:
1--I CANNOT leave my children for 5 months, regardless of my motivation for doing so
2--the transition back to reality after BL would be VERY difficult for me. If I lost all of my weight and was successful, I would spend my life worrying about putting the weight back on and failing.
3--Weight Watchers is my best option. I have so much to lose, I'd rather do it here, in my own home, tucking my kids in every night. My life is NOT about immediate gratification, at all, so what if it takes me a year or 2 to get the weight off, I'd rather do it that way than miss the time with my kids, including this Christmas.
So, with all of that said, I will not be applying for The Biggest Loser season 13. I admire all of the people who have gone on the show and successfully transitioned back to real life, but I am just not so sure I could handle that. Besides that, I love my babies way to much to risk missing 5 months of "Justin Snuggles", "Ada Pats", and Ella running around like a wild woman. With as many questions as I have about my ability to be away from them for that long, I refuse to take a spot from someone who knows they could handle it (assuming I was cast, which isn't all that likely) and then 6 weeks in missing my children so much that I choose to leave the ranch. I get so angry when people on the ranch accept an amazing opportunity for training with the world's best, the possibility of winning $250,00 and then walk away because they can't handle it, or want to go home. In Orlando last year, I stood in line with what I was later told ended up being around 5,000 people just to get a shot. Knowing that it would be that big of a struggle for me to commit to, I won't even risk taking the opportunity from someone else.