So I had a moment today where I asked myself, "Why do you feel so good all of a sudden?"
I have felt amazing since the surgery on Monday. I have some itchy incisions, and would almost chew off my own arm to be able to eat something salty/crispy.
But I can feel that there is something VERY different about myself. My perspective, my outlook, my mental place.
It seems ridiculous, being only 7 days out f surgery, but the fact is, I feel this good because I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.
I mean, let's be honest. When you are 5'2, 21 years old and step on the doctor's scale and see a number that starts with "2", no one needs to tell you that you are obese. 17 years later, no one needs to tell me that I am STILL obese. I know it every time I try to sit comfortably in an airplane seat, and try to discreetly ask the flight attendant for a seatbelt extender. I know it every time I have to be concerned about whether the table in a restaurant is anchored in position, or if I can push it further away to have room to fit. I know I'm obese every time I take the elevator up 1 floor to prevent the embarrassment of having to stop at the top to catch my breath. I know that I'm obese every time someone looks at me, completely confused and says, 'YOU? Do CrossFit?' I know that I'm obese when my 9yo son asks me at the beginning of a 5k we are running together, if he has to wait for me, or and go ahead and run his own pace.
I'm so aware of my obesity, that every new thing that comes along to "help" me, I have tried, for the most part. I've tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, Medically supervised diet, purchased "the P.I.N.K method, Insanity, choked down beets. Every meal I order in a restaurant, I would wait for the waiter to respond with some cute little quip about, "Are you sure you really need to eat that?" I see how fast food workers when I pick up dinner for my entire family and they assume all of that food is for me. I am keenly aware every single day of how I look, and every single day, until last Monday, my mind has been pre-occupied with, "What am I going to try next?"
Well, Last Monday, I answered that question permanently. I chose to have a surgical procedure to help me reach my goals. Since my surgery, I have yet to ask myself during a weight loss commercial, "Hey, I wonder how much that costs and whether or not it will work for me?" I don't feel the need to get online and google the latest fad diet like "Sensa". I am following the instructions of my surgeon to a "T" and doing what I am supposed to do to allow this tool to work. Starting tomorrow, I start walking and getting in some more intentional exercise. I feel good enough to do it, and it will only continue to help me go down this path.
The weight I never expected to lose, was the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm no longer an easy target for the next "get thin quick" fad diet, because I know what I'm doing, and I have taken a HUGE step to help me going forward. I feel lighter emotionally. I feel happier. I in no way believe that this would be the answer for everyone, but it is absolutely what has happened to me. The rest of this journey is going to be filled with difficult decisions and ups and downs, but I know, without hesitation, that I have made the right decision for ME!