Well...it's been nearly 6 months since I have blogged, and quite frankly, this was not surprising to me. I remember everyone telling me before my weight loss surgery that even once I reached my goal, it would be a daily struggle to stay at my goal weight and keep it off.
In November/December of 2015 we had 3 consecutive family members in the hospital, followed by the death of my beloved Nana. I had been at 95 pound weight loss from about July of 2014 to December 2015 if memory serves me correctly....and then the hospitalizations, Nana's death, hospital food, fast food...and well, 20 pounds crept back on. I have a few family members that say they are happy with this weight gain because I was "too thin" for a while, but I couldn't disagree more. I was drastically smaller than I had been in over 20 years, so I think people aren't really used to smaller me.
Add to all of that the realization that I have a bum knee, with absolutely NO cartilage in my left knee. The doc says I'm not ready for Knee Replacement but I most certainly will be in the next 10-15 years. I let the knee pain get the best of me and just threw in the towel there for a while, both physically and mentally. I was over it...I wanted to just say, "Hell, I'm 41 years old, I'm not getting any younger, and I've run two half marathons...why keep pushing?"
Well, the why is simple...I'm neither happy nor comfortable with where I am. I understand that other people have opinions, but just like I refused to allow those to make my decisions for me when I was overweight, I never gave people's opinions power over me and my decision making when I was morbidly obese, why should I give them that power now?
So, I have re-dedicated myself to my health and wellness goals. I got weighed tonight after Boot Camp and weighed 203.6. I swore I'd never be above 200# again, but here I am. So, I also got my measurements done this evening, including my body fat percentage, which was at 37%. The trainer said his goal would be for me to be below 30%, but I'd still like to be around 25%.
My health goals are pretty straight-forward:
155-160 pounds (I have between 43 and 48 pounds to lose to get there)
25% body fat
My workout goals:
Work out at Burn Boot Camp 4-5 times/week
Run 3 days/week
My food goals:
eat clean 80% of the time
Cut out sweet tea
cut out fast food
I'd like to ring in 2018 feeling like I achieved all aspects of health and wellness. I don't have to reach the number goals, per se. Will I feel like I failed if at the end of 2017 I weigh 165 pounds, absolutely not! I will have made a great deal of progress.
I've said all along this was a journey--there is no end point, except health and wellness...in whatever form that shows up. But I gave up last year, and I won't be doing that anymore! I have this body, and have worked for it. I'm going to continue working as long as my body will allow me to. At whatever point that my knee does give out and requires knee-replacement I'll slow down as much as I have to to maintain the health of that knee...but in the meantime, IT'S ON!!