Detour on my journey to health and fitness...this one is for self discovery!

Wow—where have the last 18 days gone?  Well, I can say, that the school prep here in the Blackburn household is a bit crazy and off-the-charts.  3 children in some version of school makes me want to cringe.  Justin has started 2^nd grade and LOVES his teacher, Mrs. Turner.  Ada went to Kindergarten testing last Thursday, but we won’t know who her teacher is until tomorrow or Tuesday.  Ella has the same 2 year old teachers that Ada had, and I love them so much.  Miss Pam and Miss Margot are unparalleled when it comes to loving children that they didn’t give birth to.  I have already warned them of Ella’s feisty attitude and behavior, and just hope that they aren’t driven to drink and require rehab before the end of the year. 

Thanks to all of the craziness, the exercise plan has kind of fallen by the way side, but I am back on track now, and will be staying there.  I went to Body Combat today, and it felt AMAZING!  I have to say, that a few weeks away from the workout routine means that I had some serious difficulty keeping up.  I should have used my inhaler, but didn’t, so now I’ve got that asthmatic cough/wheeze going on.  It’ll be good by tomorrow morning, just in time for me to go to Body Pump at 5:15 a.m. and dance class tomorrow night. 

Now is the fun part….I had no idea that a journey to health and fitness would take me down a road so fraught with self-discovery.  See, here’s the thing, I know for sure that I have spent way too much time, the majority of my 36 years making decisions based on what would make those around me the least offended.  I have never really known who I was for the most part, and when I have, I refused to follow what I wanted unless I had approval from the other people in my life.  Of course, there was the stereo-typical boyfriend the parents didn’t love and I didn’t break up with him, but I’m talking about more serious issues here.  I have come to the stark realization that 36 years of living this way has left me incredibly confused, depressed at times, and frequently lost and misunderstood by the people in my life.  I was once told I was flakey because I tended to start things and not finish them.  This is very true, but this has been a personality flaw of mine.  You see, I may not have ever wanted to do whatever it was I started and once the hype of the folks in my life past, I walked away since I never intended to be involved from the beginning.  Other times, I started something I wanted to do, but ran into loud objections from the people in my life so stopped those things because I didn’t have the support of those around me.  I have let this be such a huge part of my life, that I actually remember a time in college when I bought a pair of boots that I ABSOLUTELY LOVED!  I was so proud, and loved them so much.  A family member, and my boyfriend at the time both were very vocal about how much they disliked them, and couldn’t believe that I did.  I was told that they “weren’t me” etc.  Believe it or not, I actually returned the boots that I loved so much because of the disapproval I had encountered.  How ridiculous is this?  Well, it is time that I grow up and start living MY life.  The life that I want to live, and following my heart.  In that vein, I have registered for dance classes for the first time in about 20 years.  I will be taking Liturgical and Jazz on Monday nights.  I am starting my master’s degree in the fall, in middle grades math, and I even went and got my nose pierced the other day.  Why?  Simply because I wanted to.  I have wanted to for a long time, but again, didn’t due to the objections of some of the people in my life. 

So, I’m at the point where I’m half way through my year of health and fitness that I promised myself. I said that for my 36^th birthday I was going to give myself a healthy lifestyle, and get my weight to where I wanted it before my 37^th birthday.  I’m half way through the year, and currently have only lost 20 pounds of the 120 I wanted to lose.  (If you are thinking that I had lost more than that, you are right, but I’ve gained 6 pounds back at this point.)  I am back on the horse, and going to be very serious about this life choice because I refuse to spend another year of my life miserable, disappointed in myself, and uncomfortable every time I see myself in the mirror. 

Thanks for reading!

Krista

Day 10

Today is day 10, and I started it off at 5:15 in the gym.  I did an awesome class this morning and walked a mile on the treadmill.  I feel amazing for getting through the workout she gave us, and am making notes of what we did so that I can repeat the exercised by myself.  We did an amazing ab circuit and I feel great.  I have realized that every single day I am going to have to make the decision to do the right thing for my health and fitness, and I feel like today I definitely started in the right direction.  Now, I need to make good food choices all day, and it'll be another good day under my belt.  The endorphin high has obviously passed, but I am still going to have a GREAT day! 

I feel GREAT!!

Thanks for reading!

Krista

Days 2 and 3

Day 2 was uneventful, but a raging success dietetically!  (Is that even a word?)  I have started Weight Watchers, and am allowed 35 points/day.  Yesterday, I came in at 32 points, which is pretty good.

Day 3...well, to put it bluntly, sucks!  Before dinner I was at 42 points (which is okay, because it is the first day this week that I am using any flex points allowed by WW).  I haven't been back to the gym since Monday night, which is the most difficult for me.  I need to get back to regularly going to work out. 

This reminds me...Is it possible to have a 6-pack under all the fat I carry around my middle?  I'm pretty curious about this.  Here's why...Barney and I were working out at the gym the other night, and pretty much every exercise Joan had us do, she uad us engaging our cores to strengthen them.  Thing is, He was having some struggles, fell off the yoga ball while trying to do sit-ups, etc. and he was only able to do 20.  I was able to do 60 (20 straight, 20 to the left, 20 to the right).  I didn't feel anything at all that night or the next day.  So, my question remains.....Is it possible for me to have a 6-pack under the fat?!?! 

I would appreciate the input of anyone with any knowledge about this.  I'm stumped, and frustrated.  Am I working out wrong?  Am I not engaging the right muscles?  Or am I just really strong on the inside and a marshmallow on the outside?!?! 

Love y'all, thanks for reading!

Day 1

Okay---let's try this again.  The fact of the matter is, I have slacked off to a point that I am just NOT happy with what is going on with my body.  I have allowed myself to slip back into my really bad eating habits, and habits of laziness, lounging, etc.  TOday is day 1 of this journey....AGAIN!  I didn't eat all that great today, but we did make it to the gym this evening for our appointment with Joan (a personal trainer at the gym).  Joan showed Barney and I quite a few exercises that we can do together, and things that we can do alternating sets with the other.  I am already feeling it, and will feel it even more tomorrow, I am sure.  I think the most devastating part of today was that she used calipers to determine my body fat percentage, rather than the silly little maching that you hold out in front of you after entering your age, sex, height and weight.  According to the measurements she did today, I am currently at a body-fat percentage of 40.8.  UGH!!!  Not a good feeling, and definitely NOT a comfortable number to hear.  I have a VERY long way to go, and I will get there, no matter how many hurdles I have to jump over or obstacles I have to climb.  I will make it through this! 

A wonderful friend of mine (Thanks Chris) told me this weekend that he felt like I had an awesome heart and drive, and I just needed to get my head and body in agreement with my heart.  That's the thing...It isn't that my head and body don't necessarily agree with my heart, they do, it is because I have some very ugly tapes that play in my head on a daily, if not hourly basis.  I have to fight through the fact that every single minute of the day I tell myself that I don't deserve to be healthy, I don't deserve to be thin.  The biggest obstacle for me to overcome is going to be that negative self-talk.  If anyone knows any wonderful remedies for this, I'd love to hear them. 

As of now, my plan is simply to fake it until I make it.  I'm going to go to the gym at least 4 or 5 times a week, I'm going to attend classes and work out with my husband.  I am going to attend weight watchers and write down every single bite I put into my mouth.  I will be successful at this as I have been in many other aspects of my life.  Most-importantly, I am going to do my very best to be as gently with myself when I have small failures as I would be with anyone else that I love and am friends with.  I have found that I hold myself to a much higher standard than I do others in my life.  I forgive others far sooner than I forgive myself and that really isn't fair to me. 

You will notice that I entitled this post "Day 1".  I am doing this as a way of keeping myself accountable.  Please keep me on my toes, and if I don't post, feel free to ask me how my day went.  I am hoping to make posts on a daily basis....

So...the journey continues.