Why is this time different?

I keep asking myself this.  What is going to make this time different?  I came to a huge conclusion about this answer on Saturday and wanted to share with you all. 

I have, for many years, made resolutions that required me to lose a certain number of pounds.  I had weight loss surgery 5 years ago, and still wasn't able to stick to the very strict diet required.  Once I got comfortable, I went back to my old habits, so the million dollar question is:

 "Why do I think this time is going to be different?"

Here's the answer I have come to, with some background as to what led me to said answer. 

So, on Friday morning last week, 1/11/19, I walked out of the house without my prepared breakfast, and had to figure out what to eat.  Skipping breakfast is NOT an option on this meal plan, nor is it ever healthy.  For a split second I gave myself permission to indulge in my guilty pleasures, drive through and get sugar laden coffee with a danish or something like I would before I started this process (AGAIN).  Then I snapped back to reality and asked why I was willing to allow myself to fail?  Yes, I admit, I am the queen of self-sabotage, but why?  So instead, I stopped at Starbucks, ordered Sous Vide Egg-white bites with red peppers and a plain oatmeal.  Both things are definitely on my meal plan, and while not necessarily in the correct proportions, it was better than a donut or whatever else I may have caved and eaten. 

Then on Friday night, the CrossFit Brave coach posted the workout I had signed up for on Saturday and it scared me to death!  It was going to be a partner WOD, but we would be doing 3 different CrossFit Games workouts from previous years.  CrossFit Games workouts are BRUTAL!!!  I almost cancelled the class and decided to sleep in, but decided instead I needed to stay in, and not cherry-pick the workouts I was willing to go to. 

On the way home from my workout, I realized something that seems like semantics, but so isn't.  In the past, my resolutions, my weight loss efforts, my weight loss surgery I always explained the same way....."I'm tired of being fat!"  While that is a good motivation to get started, it doesn't keep you honest once you lose the certain number of pounds you had thought of, or decided you had lost enough weight.  This, I believe, is why diets don't work!  Instead, this time, my motivation came from a totally different place, "I want to be healthy!"

Why the change?  I have found 2 lumps in my breasts in the last year.  My doctor was testing me for Auto-Immune disorders last fall because I was exhausted, constantly fatigued, having headaches daily and couldn't fight off a simple cold for 3-1/2 weeks. I cared for my dying mother-in-law last February.  I watch my father suffer with dementia, COPD, and A-fib every day, and I watch my mother struggle with Multiple Sclerosis.  High Blood pressure and High Cholesterol run down both sides of my family, as to heart issues and Strokes.  I cannot continue to shove unhealthy crap in my mouth and expect my body to resemble anything healthy. 

This time, it's about health.  It's about putting good food into my body so it can function at its best.  It's about moving my body and challenging myself so that I don't end up with osteoperosis or other degenerative diseases that run in my family because I made unhealthy decisions for too long.  The difference is that instead of a # on the scale, I'm working toward healthy living, and as we all know, health is NOT determined by the lowest number on the scale.  Weight loss will likely be an exciting side-effect of the healthy eating and working out, but it isn't the focus of my journey! 

So, this year, I started this journey to health at 210.6 according to the scale at the gym last Monday. 
On Saturday at the gym, I was at 205.2.  Down 5.4 # in 6 days. 

This week, I'm definitely working out 3x, maybe 4.  I have all my meals for the week prepped and packed through Friday, so I just have to grab them and go.