Um...hello.....I'm BACK!!!!

Hard for me to believe that it has been about 6 weeks since I last posted a blog, but it has been a CRAZY month-and-a-half!  Justin has been playing on 2 teams, Ada has been playing on 2 teams, we've been having dance recitals, crazy game schedules, work schedules off the charts, and I haven't been in the box but twice since the Princess Half Marathon on February 24. 

In addition to working out, the other thing I haven't been doing is sitting on my ass without trying to at least gain some knowledge about what my next step should be.  I have read about half of one book on nutrition, and I have 3 more that I want to read.  I went to see Jillian Michaels, and it was the first time in my life that someone explained nutrition in a way that I actually "got it" and it made sense to me.  It seems stupid to say that I'm just starting to get it at the age of 38, but it's true.  Let me see if I can put what I've learned into words so that it makes sense for any of my readers that have struggled on this part as well. 

First thing I learned was that if I'm going to get this weight off, nutrition is the key.   To be more specific 70% of the results I will see (and thus haven't seen to date) are based on nutrition. 

Clean eating is becoming more and more important to me, the more I hear/read.  When Jillian explained how hormones, antibiotics, and corn fed cattle affected not just the meat supply, but also dairy, It finally made sense.  Not only did she tell us, she showed us pictures of what the cattle, and their cuts of beef looked like side-by-side.  There is no way to deny the differences, and if the cattle and their cuts of meat look that much different, there is no doubt your body must process and handle the food differently.  And if that same cow is being milked for your cheese, milk and other dairy products, it stands to reason that your getting the bad meat, milk, cheese, and your body is struggling to digest that crap.

Eating totally organic can be very pricey, so as Jillian mentioned, $20 extra for organic meat and dairy is where you should spend it.  Organic produce is great if you can afford it, but since you should be washing all of these things before you eat them anyway, doing so should mitigate anything they have on the exterior. 

I have also figured out that the sheer volume of differing information about eating plans/lifestyles is absolutely overwhelming.  I'm sure that different people see successes with different plans, for different reasons.  The fact is, eating is not a one size fits all venture.  What works for 1 person may not be do-able for someone else for various reasons.  The fact remains, you have to find what works for YOU and do it.  I'm still not 100% sure what is going to work best for me, but I'm not ever going to give up reading and trying to figure out what is best for MY body and MY lifestyle. 

I have figured out that 2 things are going to be absolutely vital to my success; support and preparation.  I'm a very social person, and I have to have people to talk to as I make these connections and find what works best for me.  I have a good friend that I met through an asshole that we both used to train with at the gym.  She and I are very similar in our struggles, and personalities, and we have WAY too much fun together.  She and I will be shopping together and spending time together preparing meals for our families that are healthy.  My kids are in for a RUDE awakening.  There won't be anymore 2 meals cooked/night and their processed chicken nuggets, sugary cereals and other crap are about to disappear. 

Tomorrow morning I'm going to be taking some "before" pictures, and posting them here, as well as measurements and weight.  I will not be weighing myself regularly, in fact, I think I'm going to do my best to only weigh myself once a month.  I tend to get very caught up in the numbers, and can get very easily discouraged when I think the # on the scale doesn't reflect the work I am doing.  I'm going to use my measurements, weight, how my clothes fit, and overall fitness levels and how I feel working out, to guide how I feel about my journey. 

Here's to continuing this journey, with a new perspective on food/nutrition.  I'm interested to see how I feel.  I'm going grocery shopping on Sunday, June 2, so I won't weigh myself until I get back from Vacation on July 6th.  I might have to ask hubby to hide the scale from me to make this happen, but I'm going to do my best.  Stay tuned for my "before" pictures tomorrow...

Krista

DNF--and a little inspiration

Tonight's WOD was heavy on cardio, which at 5'2" and 255 pounds, I'm not really in any shape for AT ALL!!  Tonight was incredibly difficult, but I didn't give up, and I didn't leave the box in tears this time.

WOD #1:
10 ab-mat sit-ups, 20 Thrusters (I used 55#), 20 sit-ups, 16 Thrusters, 30 sit-ups, 12 Thrusters (I dropped to 45#), 40 sit ups, 8 Thrusters, 50 sit-ups (I only made it to #29 in the allotted 15 minute timeframe to complete the WOD), then 4 Thrusters.  My heart was racing so fast when I got "done" that I wasn't so certain about my ability to do WOD 2, but knew I had to try.

WOD #2:
8 rounds for time
10 box jumps, 10 kettle bell swings.

Shout out to Guanina Palermo-Pinckney for teaching me the trick of staring at the wall during box jumps and NOT looking at the box.  I always get overwhelmed just looking at the box and my fear gets the best of me. I got through my first 40 box jumps without a thought or a problem thanks to this little piece of advice!

I got through the first 4 rounds doing the jumps and then on #6 of the 4th round of jumps, I turned my ankle pretty bad.  It hurt something fierce!  For rounds 5 and 6 I did step-ups, rather than jumps, but I kept pushing.  There was no way I could finish the last 2 rounds, due to time or my ankle either one.  I didn't leave upset like I did the last time I didn't finish, I left proud.  I am proud of my continued efforts to go into the box and push my limits.  I am proud that I continue, even when it hurts, when my heart is racing and my mind is telling me that I should stop.  I am proud of all that the box is helping me to become, and not just in the sense of finishing workouts and building muscle.

Now for the inspiration part----I had read a post earlier today by one of our CrossFit members, Phillip Mason.  Phillip posted the following on his FB status today:  Today as I sit here I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!!! I have had the best year of my life this last year I lost 76 POUNDS!! And I'm still going! This is the best shape that I have been in my life and I love it. There comes a point in your life when you say that it's time for a change!! Thank GOD this past year was when I drew a line in the sand and said NO MORE!! I will be a better person, I will forgive those who did me wrong, I will continue to be a better example for all around me who say its time for a change!! I only hope that my achievements will be a light for others who are fed up with where they are at, and they will too make their decisions to change themselves and their lifestyles!! Thanks to ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME THROUGH THIS JOURNEY!! And also a big thanks to CrossFit APxfor helping become healthy and more physically fit!! 

I found this exciting since I have so much weight that I want to lose, and some very lofty goals for myself.  Just like most obese folks, when we hear of someone who has had this level of success, we ask the same questions.....You know the ones........How did you do it?  How long did it take?  Phillip told me he started really focusing on his weight in April of 2012.  He had made some small changes before that, but April 2012 is when he really started to focus on it.  This was really exciting for me to hear.  Why?  Because I would like to lose 100#.  Now, I'm not focusing on the numbers, but instead focusing on the things I have some control over, my workouts, and what I put into my mouth.  If I control these 2 things, I will see results on the scale in time.

In that vain, Barney was going to the store tonight and I gave him a list of things I needed him to buy me for breakfasts and lunches this week.  He gave me a look of concern because of the number of times I've attempted this, and failed.  The amount of healthy fruits and vegetables that have been purchased and gone bad in the fridge because the bad stuff was far easier and took less time.  I very calmly asked him to please trust me.  I need to make these changes, and I need him to trust me that I will continue this and be eating all of these foods.  I need to have healthy snacks available to eat during the day, so I don't eat things like chips and candy which are so available to me on a regular basis.  I have to be prepared to succeed, or I am planning to fail, basically.  So, I need to wrap up this blog post, go hard boil some eggs, clean and pack some salad for tomorrow, and cut up some carrots and cucumbers for my healthy snacks during the day.  Our Keurig came today, so I'm going to try all the different coffees that came as a sample until I find one that I can drink black, since cream and sugar aren't in the food plan.

Until next time...Krista

I know I'm crazy.....

So, tonight was probably one of the WODs that I have been most capable of completing.  I still had to modify some stuff, but I feel like I accomplished something tonight.

We had 2 WODs

The first WOD as 12 minutes, every minute on the minute you were to do 5 pull ups, 10 push-ups, 15 air squats.  I of course had to use the red band to assist me with pull-ups, my push-ups were the girlie kind, and I was able to do the air squats w/o modification.  If at any point you couldn't finish those 30 movements w/in one minute this WOD turned into an AMRAP.  I was only on the minute for the first 2 minutes, and then I couldn't keep up.  I ended up completing a total of 7 rounds in the 12 minutes.

The second WOD was all about abs.  Maybe if I do this WOD every day, first thing in the morning for the next 7 months I'll have a beach body by next June......So we started with 20 Russian twists (10# medicine ball, rest on your tail bone, feet off the floor twist from one side to the other touching the medicine ball on the floor.  After this, did 15 reverse ab-mat sit-ups and then 10 Toes to Bar.  For me, the Russian twists required that my feet be on the floor, The reverse ab-mat sit-ups, then I can't begin to do Toes to Bar, but I am starting to get the swinging part down, and got my kicks almost up to my waist level.  I need to find a way to keep my hands from hurting so badly when I'm doing things like pull-ups, Knees to elbows, Toes to Bars, etc.  I need to get some weight-lifting gloves  and maybe some warmer workout gear when I get paid at the end of the month.

Finally, here is a picture of part of the team of amazing folks who are helping me to change my life.  Tyler is one of the coaches at the box, and is awesome.  He is always very encouraging, without being in my face screaming.  He knows when I need to keep pushing and when I truly don't have anything left to give.  Andrea is an inspiration in what she has been able to accomplish in her own life.  You can read more about her personal story here.  I don't know that I'll do it justice if I try to re-tell it.  These people, as well as the other coaches at APX, John N., Dan, John J. and Pete have never made me feel like I let them down or should have done better.  This truly is an awesome family.

I also have to give a shout out to my normal 5:30 buddies, Shaade, Ivan, Jon P., Tucker, Megan.  Nichole, Looking forward to seeing you at 5:30 on a regular basis going forward.  You are all helping me to find the person and see in the mirror the person that everyone else I have known for years has always told me was there, even though I never believed them.  Thank you to all of you for being part of my journey and tolerating my being a work in progress.  And to Karen and Georgia, you ladies inspire me, and I love you both.

I will also say that for the next couple of weeks, I am going to make sure that I am eating at least 3 meals/day.  This seems like it should be obvious/automatic/easy, but for me, it is none of the above.  I ate about half of my breakfast this morning, then I ate a sub from Jersey Mike's for lunch, using the cheese as the bread and throwing the bread in the trash.  I had some popcorn shrimp and mac and cheese for dinner.  I realize these aren't the best food choices, but they are calories that I am taking in, and I am trying to take the steps to making sure I eat every day.  Once I get paid again, I'll be doing everything possible to eat Custom Fit Meals Paleo meals 3 meals/day, 5 days/week for the months of November and December.  I'm also going to start working with Next Level Nutrition on supplements during those same 2 months and seeing if I can't get myself turned around.  I've been working out now for 3 months, and am hoping and praying that having mastered that part already, it will be easier to focus on the food and put the workouts on cruise-control.

I also want to take this moment to thank every single person who is supporting me and sharing positive feedback with me on this blog and on my FB page.  You are all amazing, and helping to keep me motivated.

Catch-up

Wow, somehow the weekend got away from me and I wasn't able to blog, so let me see if I can catch up or not. 

Friday--
another crazy WOD.  I don't remember what all we had to do, and for some reason I didn't take a picture of the white board like I usually do.  The best I can remember we had to do 30 Dead Lifts, Run 400 meters, 30 Sumo High Pulls w/a Kettle Bell, 100 ab mat sit-ups (i only made it to 80) and 7 Wall Crawls, then maybe 15 dead lifts, Run 200 meters, 15 sumo high pulls, 50 ab mat sit-ups and 7 Wall Crawls.  It was a difficult but do-able workout.  Now that I think about it, I didn't take a picture because afterwards I was talking to Andrea about some of my food/eating issues.  She and I share a very unfortunate history of having an eating disorder.  While that sucks, having someone to talk to that understands that the age old, "It's really not that hard, you know you need to eat, so just do it" isn't helpful for someone who has an overwhelming fear of food and what it does to my body.  

I have made a couple of small realizations after this discussion with Andrea:
1--I need to get some help to get over the fear/anxiety that I have over managing my diet.
2--old fears and anxieties are rearing their heads now because I want this so badly and am frustrated at the slow progress
3--If I just eat what is available or what I want without holding my own feet to the fire about the healthiness of the food choice I don't have the issue with fear and anxiety.  When I start asking myself whether I am making good decisions or not is when this becomes a huge issue, because the fear and anxiety take over and then I just don't eat anything because I'd rather eat nothing at all, than to eat something really bad.  I know what you want to say to the screen now, so please refer to the underlined quote above.      

Saturday--
On Saturday I went to CrossFit Clayton for a nutritional workshop with Jared Olson of Next Level Nutrition and was blown away by the information I got.  Like any other person who is an intellectual, when I don't understand something, I start seeking out information so I can start to understand what I am facing, and this workshop was an AMAZING help.  I had Jared do the measurements for BioSignature profile and just happened to have the lab report from my physical in February in my car, so I was able to provide that information to him as well.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have never really grasped the concept that what I eat doesn't just affect my weight, it also affects all of my hormones and bodily functions and systems on a cellular level.  I am so grateful that God put me in a position to get to gain this knowledge and start to understand this.  I am going to be working with Jared and Next Level Nutrition to help me get my body back to doing what it is supposed to naturally, and part of that is to make a drastic change to my eating habits.  As time goes on, I am gaining more and more weapons for my health and wellness arsenal to reach my ultimate goals. 

Monday--

Today's WOD was ROUGH!!  I knew when I saw it posted earlier in the day by someone else that some massive scaling was going to be involved if I didn't want it to take me 2 hours to finish.  The thing is, scaling weight is easy for me, but scaling the reps and running distance becomes more of a challenge.  I know it's the same concept, you can only do what your body is ready for and pushing your body beyond that will likely lead to injury, but it is more difficult and tends to make me feel like I'm taking the easy way out still.  So here is what the WOD looked like on the board: 


When we were stretching Coach Dan looked at me, remembering my conversation with him last week about scaling and feeling like I needed to know when it was appropriate to scale and said, "Half.  Just do half of everything."  I knew I would have to do half of the runs because the 3 miles prescribed would take me 45-50 minutes alone, and that is without stopping to lift weights.  I did do my 20 Thrusters, but realized very quickly that doing all of everything but half the running would still take me quite a long time.  After the thrusters, I moved to half of every exercise.  It ended up taking me 38:40 to finish the workout, even with it being Half.  Dan told me that the fact that I was finishing among the other people in class, not first, not last, indicates that it was scaled appropriately.  I totally get that, but can't help but wonder, how in the world I know what it will take to scale everything this well. 

Tonight is a run night, and I will be going 30 minutes.  My goal is to make it 2-1/2 miles in my 30 minutes, which would mean that I am picking up my pace and my endurance.  Hopefully starting to get on the right track with eating, and supplements and regular exercise will help me start to see the changes in my body happening faster, my strength and endurance improving, and my overall ability levels increasing as well.  In the mean-time, here is a picture that I found pretty darn amazing.  When someone is working toward losing weight, it is literally a day-to-day struggle, and because we see ourselves in the mirror every day, it is difficult to notice the small changes that are happening.  When I got ready for my workout last night I put on my Running Moms Mafia shirt from the Diva Half Marathon that was run in Myrtle Beach in May.  I believe the race was on May 20th, so not quite 5 months ago.  I was amazed at the difference, specifically around my mid-section.  There is an obvious roll of fat/skin above my belly button in the picture on the left, and while I wouldn't say I'm "thinner" that roll is obviously less noticeable.  So, not quite 3 months into CrossFit and 5 months out from the picture, and I see a noticeable difference around my mid-section.  I think I'll take another picture in this outfit at the end of the year to see the change with better nutrition and supplementation. 

 pic taken 5/20/12                                 pic taken 10/15/12

Holy Moses...another PR!!!

So this week we are working on our max lifts.  Today we were working on max Dead lifts.  I started with my normal amount I dead lift in a WOD when I am doing it repeatedly, 40#.  Well, I got the learner bar up to 110# and Pete and Andrea told me it was too easy for me and I had maxed out the bar, so I needed to move to the big bar.  Now, I'm TERRIFIED of the big bar.  I've only ever used it once, to do my back squats the other night, and then I was right back to the learner bar.  So I jumped in with the 2 girls next to me who already had 165 on the bar, and did it pretty easily.  We kept creeping up, till we put 195 on the bar.  I didn't think for a second I'd be able to do it, especially after my hero, Shaade was unable to lift it.  I decided to give it one shot, and I did it!!!!  I dead lifted 195 pounds!!!  I couldn't believe it, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Now it was time for the WOD.  I took one look at it and said, "This WOD is brought to you by the things Krista just can't do yet."  Which was 100% true.  Makes for a really, REALLY slow workout.

The workout looked like this: 3 rounds for time (took me 24:50)
10 get-ups to burpees
15 back squats (rx was 75#, I did 70#)
15 knees to elbows (still can't do these, just hung on the bar and lifted my knees as far as I could)
10 inverted burpees (which I can't do the wall handstand yet, so I just did the get up to the bronco kicks)

**2 minute rest**

6 minute run I did 500 meters

Re-did my measurements tonight, last time I measured myself was on September 11, almost exactly 1 month ago.  My waist, hips and thigh are exactly the same measurement, but I have lost 2-1/2 inches in my bust.  YAY!!!!  progress is progress, and I'll take it.

So, here's the crux of my problem at this point.  As you can tell, while I'm still having struggles with the workouts, I'm finishing them.  I am getting far stronger.  I am capable of completing more and more.  On the working out side of things, everything is GREAT!!!  The problem is, my eating. I swear I need a damn babysitter to make me eat the right stuff at the right time.  Today is a good example of my issue.  I got coffee on the way to work, a large, with cream and sugar.  The next thing I had to eat or drink was 3 Twizzlers before I went to work out at 5:30, followed by a bowl of cereal when I got home from my workout.  This is why I am not seeing the results that I want to see even though I'm busting my butt at the box.  I haven't been hungry ALL DAY.  I don't even know what to say about this.  When I realized tonight that this is all I have eaten today, this is an obvious issue, and one I need to fix.  But I'm at a loss.  If I can get this part under control, I have no doubt I'll start seeing the results I want/need to see to stay motivated.

I'm at a loss right now.

Krista

Rough night...

Well, sometimes I just wish I could shut off my emotions and let my body do what it is supposed to do.  Unfortunately I am just not good at that, and tonight was worse than most.  I have heard for years that the most difficult part of losing weight is the commitment and the food part.  Just about anyone can go to the gym and kick ass for an hour and sweat their butt off, but it's what you eat between those workouts that not only fuels your body, it helps determine how much weight you lose and how many inches you lose, etc.  I've seen one of those Facebook post cards that said, "An Olympic workout can't out train a bad diet".  True enough.

Let's be honest, for some people, it can.  I have been jealous/bitter for years that some of my friends have the ability to eat whatever they want and never gain a pound.  My husband is even one of these people.  What I have come to learn over the years is that even if that is true, the picture of the outside is not a true representation of what the body is doing on the inside.  As an example, even though I am 5'2" and weigh 260 pounds, my blood pressure and cholesterol levels are normal.  I'm not even pre-diabetic yet, let alone diabetic.  I have been very fortunate thus far to not be diagnosed with any of the highly-touted co-morbidities associated with obesity, though I'm completely aware it is just a matter of time.

All of this rambling is to say when confronted with my eating habits tonight, I was completely freaked out.  See, I have been eating Custom Fit Meals for the last 3 or 4 weeks, and it was so easy that way.  I ordered food on Tuesday, it showed up on the following Sunday and Wednesday.  I had no concern about what to cook, or making good decisions, except telling them what to send me.  Well, it's the end of the month, I only get paid once/month (on the last day) and the money for Custom Fit Meals ran out this week.  I forgot my lunch at home, and when mom brought me lunch, I had a double cheeseburger from McDonald's and a diet coke.  Not what I have been eating, and trust me, my stomach hates me right now.  Having to stand in the office at the box having a discussion with some of my friends that are trying to help me about what I ate today was overwhelming and embarrassing!  I appreciate their help, I just need to not let the feeling that I have let them down affect my workout.

So, for tonight's WOD, which didn't look all that daunting on the board, I was already in the wrong place mentally.  I was already feeling very overwhelmed by being a screw up.  My brain was almost in shut-down mode before I touched a single thing.  Then we started.  Today's WOD was 5 deadlifts, 5 power cleans and 5 thrusters, on the minute, every minute for 20 minutes.  This sounds simple enough, but I assure you, it isn't simple AT ALL!!  The prescribed weight was 45# for ladies, which is what I started with since it is well within my normal lifting.  I got through 3 rounds like that, and then took off 5 pounds so I was down to 40#. I did the last 5 rounds with 40 pounds.  Because of the "start on the minute" part I was only able to finish 8 rounds total.  I was having this internal argument with myself that I had already blown the day by not eating right so why was I bothering?  Then the asthma started kicking up, and I could hear myself wheezing horribly, followed by the coughing, and gagging and almost getting sick.  Yet another reason to quit, but I came back to keep trying.  There were 2 or 3 minute marks that I started and got through the dead lifts but couldn't continue with the power cleans.  If my memory serves, I did my 8 rounds at minutes 20, 19, 18, 17, 14, 8, 5 and 2.  I obviously had long breaks in there, and while embarrassing, at least I didn't walk away when that is all I really wanted to do.  I happened to park out behind the building tonight, and at one point I contemplated whether or not I could sneak out the back door and be gone before the WOD was over and not have to face any of the people I was working out with, but then I wouldn't have been able to put my equipment up, and someone else would have had to do it.  Also, I would have been cheating myself and my friends out of the respect they were due for completing the workout.

Today was NOT a stellar day, but I did the best I could considering.  Tomorrow, I will get up and go for a run.  25 minutes is on the agenda, and I will have to figure out what I'm going to eat tomorrow as well.  Maybe some yogurt, fruit and hot tea for breakfast, no clue for lunch, and pork chops for dinner.

Till next time,

Princess Biscuit

One meal at a time...

In the past, the old Krista would get overwhelmed with the totality of what I needed to do to get where I needed/wanted to be physically.  When someone looks in the mirror and realizes that they need to lose an entire half of who they are to reach their goal, that can be, and was for me, incredibly overwhelming. 

This new Krista I have become is looking at each individual decision as a victory, or opportunity for improvement.  This morning for breakfast, I didn't stop and buy coffe, or the GASP, 2 sweet teas to get me through the day, or the sausage biscuit/preservative filled nasty food that I would usually get.  I did eat 2 granola bars, and drank 32 oz of wather instead...Breakfast today, VICTORY, with room for improvement.

For lunch today, in my typical unplanned fashion decided that I would go get some chinese food.  Noticed on the way in the grocery store next to it, and took a detour.  Instead of MSG and salt-soaked Chinese food, I opted for fresh pineapple and some cottage cheese.  I also picked up some almonds for an afternoon snack, rather than the nasty chips or something sugary I would usually eat. 32 more oz of water to complete lunch, and I'd say it's a victory too. 

When someone has as far to go as I do, every little victory is a huge milestone and every failure is a stumbling block.  In the past I've allowed myself to turn these stumbling blocks into a long path of pavers suitable for a long, run...maybe 13.1 miles?  Well, time to start undoing the damage and facing each decision about food from a healthy standpoint.  2 victories in...and I feel pretty darn good about it.

Krista

Days 2 and 3

Day 2 was uneventful, but a raging success dietetically!  (Is that even a word?)  I have started Weight Watchers, and am allowed 35 points/day.  Yesterday, I came in at 32 points, which is pretty good.

Day 3...well, to put it bluntly, sucks!  Before dinner I was at 42 points (which is okay, because it is the first day this week that I am using any flex points allowed by WW).  I haven't been back to the gym since Monday night, which is the most difficult for me.  I need to get back to regularly going to work out. 

This reminds me...Is it possible to have a 6-pack under all the fat I carry around my middle?  I'm pretty curious about this.  Here's why...Barney and I were working out at the gym the other night, and pretty much every exercise Joan had us do, she uad us engaging our cores to strengthen them.  Thing is, He was having some struggles, fell off the yoga ball while trying to do sit-ups, etc. and he was only able to do 20.  I was able to do 60 (20 straight, 20 to the left, 20 to the right).  I didn't feel anything at all that night or the next day.  So, my question remains.....Is it possible for me to have a 6-pack under the fat?!?! 

I would appreciate the input of anyone with any knowledge about this.  I'm stumped, and frustrated.  Am I working out wrong?  Am I not engaging the right muscles?  Or am I just really strong on the inside and a marshmallow on the outside?!?! 

Love y'all, thanks for reading!