Let's Get Really Honest....

I have been told numerous times that people respect my honesty in my blog.  So I feel like I need to get really honest about the race on Sunday.

I am going to get my foot checked out today to see if there is a stress fracture or not, but the fact of the matter is, I could have finished.  I should have finished.  I saw the balloon lady go past me and I punked out and gave up on myself.  Denise didn't give up on me, she kept telling me not to stop and that I could make it, but she believed in me more than I believed in myself.

No one else has told me that I could have done it, it is a realization I came to last night when talking to my husband.  I told him that I wanted my foot to be fractured because I wanted to have a legitimate excuse to have not finished.  Either way, I psyched myself out and gave up on myself.  When I told my mom this this morning, she agreed, and said that my sister had even said that I could have finished.

This realization is hard, but it has also lit a fire under my ass that has previously been unknown to me.  I spent last night looking for half marathons that I had time to train for and could afford to go to.  I have asked my mom to pay for my race entry to the Diva Half in September in Washington DC/Loudoun County Virginia as my birthday present.  We have friends up there that I would love to see, but more than anything, I NEED TO DO THIS.  I need to finish a half marathon.  I NEED to not give up on myself and punk out.  I need to accomplish this task.  I am on record for saying that I am my own worst critic and have been for years.  The fact of the matter is, when I saw the balloon lady, nice as she may be, I flipped out!  I cried, and I gave up on myself.  I'm sick and damn tired of giving up on myself....It's time to finish what I started.

Please mom, will you pay for my race entry?  I need to do this.