I finished!!!! I finished!!!!!

I am so proud to be able to say that I finished the WOD tonight.  When I got there tonight I noticed that there were 2 WODs on the board, and one was a "scaled" WOD.  my first inclination was to do the scaled WOD, and save myself the embarrassment of being the last one to finish again, or worse yet, get the trifecta of 3 DNF's in a row.  Then I thought about it, and knew that I would never have any self-respect if I always took the easy way out.  There's no time like the present to push myself beyond my limits.  Who gives a shit if I had 2 DNF's that's not a license to quit, and for me, for tonight, doing the scaled WOD would have been quitting.

I did have to modify the weight on the Push-Press to 40#
My Burpee box-jumps became Burpee Step-ups (Set #5 there was no box involved, my legs are still shot from yesterday's WOD)
and hand-stand push ups were knees on my box and doing incline push-ups with my hiney in the air as much as possible.

I completed my workout in 26 minutes and 20 seconds.

On the up-side....before I started working out, I would never have believed you if you told me that the best thing for the work-out soreness was another work-out.  kinda like the "hair of the dog" when it comes to a hang-over.  Well, it works.  As sore as I was all day, I feel better after working out tonight.  Now, I may well need a walker to get out of the bed in the morning, but it'll all be worth it!

I cannot say enough how awesome CrossFit Apx is!  Please check them out, and if you have ever considered checking out CrossFit, do it.  You won't be sorry!  Just to make it easier, go ahead and click on this link:  http://crossfitapx.com/

I love them...show them some love, you won't regret it!

Princess Biscuit!

Another DNF, but proof that I'm not working in vain

So the WOD yesterday was meant for people with a death wish I think.  We started as a warm-up with 100 meter run, 5 pull-ups and 10 push-ups, 3 times around.  (This was of course after stretching on our own). 

We then did walking lunges with the bar overhead, 10 lunges, rotating 4 rounds with a partner. 

Then it was time for WOD#1.....
10 plyo-pushups (25# plate, do a push-up, jump hands of the weight and do a regular push-up, counts as 1)
10 kettle bell swings (I used a 26# kettle bell)
5 pull-ups

**as many rounds as possible in 10 minutes.  1 round is 25, and I barely made it through 3 rounds.

Now for the finisher...which I didn't get to finish:
WOD#2:
50 overhead squats w/a PVC pipe
30 ab-mat sit-ups
20 wall ball shots
15 med ball squats
10 get-ups
50 air squats

2 rounds for time, with a cap of 20 minutes.  I got through the 2nd round of ab-mat sit-ups.  This workout was brutal!!!!  I could barely walk after I finished.  All I can say is that 260+ pound women were not meant to do 185 squats in 20 minutes!  My knees required some TLC last night, with advil and ice bags, but I feel pretty good today

PROOF that it's working:
At the beginning of this year, I started the "P.I.N.K. Method" diet which I just couldn't maintain at all.  I couldn't maintain the eating that was required, or the workouts.  I'm not a work-out at home kind of girl.  I usually have a million excuses, and I oversleep, and there's no accountability.  At the beginning of the P.I.N.K. Method they have you do your measurements, then do them again after a 2 week detox where you feel miserable!!! 

At the beginning of this year I weighed 270# and my measurements looked like this:
Bust: 49-1/2"     Waist: 46"              Hips: 53"        Thighs:  30-1/2"
After the 2 week detox I was at:
Bust:  47"           Waist: 44-1/2"       Hips: 52"        Thighs: 29"
I had re-gained almost all of the weight I lost and definitely all of the inches.  For the first time ever I was wearing size 22's, rather than my normal 18-20, and the 22's were by no means lose. 
I didn't take my measurements at the beginning of CrossFit (I wish I had), but I started at 264.2#
I did my measurements this morning, and they were as follows:
Bust: 48-1/2"        Waist: 44"             Hips: 50-1/4"  Thighs: 29-1/2"

So, since the beginning of this year, I have lost a total of 7" and 8 pounds.  I still have a long way to go, but I'll get there eventually. 

Princess Biscuit

Confession time....

I am facing some of my age-old demons, and while they will not keep me from continuing this process, it still makes it hard.

I keep having these dreams or nightmares might be a better description where I've been going to CrossFit and training for half Marathons/Marathons for a year and a half, and still weigh the exact same amount and have the same figure and clothing size.  It scares the hell out of me.  I don't want to have to shop for clothes in plus size stores anymore.  I don't want to feel uncomfortable in my workout clothes because I'm afraid they are too tight/offensive for the poor people who are working out at the same time as me.  I don't want to still have cankles instead of sexy legs.  I don't want any of these things, but my sub-conscious is haunting me in my sleep.  My brain is trying to convince me to give up, telling me I'll never get the things that I want the most, health, fitness and weight loss.

I have no desire to be skinny, that has never been my goal.  Skinny is a pipe-dream.  I want to be healthy, flexible and able to keep up with my kids.  I want to get to buy a whole new wardrobe, preferably somewhere like Anne Taylor Loft, Banana Republic and the Gap.  I want the life I used to have when I thought I was fat, before I knew what this reality was.

When I have these dreams, I wake up in a cold sweat fearing that I will never see the results that I so desperately want.  I know it has only been 6 weeks since I started CrossFit, and I am seeing some changes, but all of those old tapes are still playing in my head telling me it's ok.  Telling me that I'm going to fail and that it is only just a matter of time.  I refuse to let that be the case, so I will continue to bust my ass, 3-5 times a week at CrossFit, and this week, I'm starting to run 3x a week too.  My eating is going so much better as well, thanks to Custom Fit Meals.  I'm on the right track and heading the right direction, but my brain just doesn't realize that yet.  How long does it take for my brain to be on board?  How long will it take before my sub-conscious finally stops trying to cushion my fall from the failure?  This is ridiculous, and I want it to stop.

Anyone else ever been down this road?  Anyone have any advice for me short of "Just keep going and it'll get better"?  I have an amazing support system, but I'm just so tired of the internal argument.  It is absolutely exhausting.

Princess Biscuit!

Victory in failures...

Today I found victory in my failure.  I was not able to complete the WOD today, for the first time since I started working out at CrossFit Apex.  The WOD in and of itself wasn't horribly difficult, but it was pretty hot, ridiculously humid and I went out way too fast.

Today's WOD:
50 wall ball shots
Then 3 rounds of the following:
10 power cleans (RX was 105, I did 55#)
40 double-unders (I can't do those yet, so it was 40 tuck jumps for me)
run 200 meters
Finish up with 50 burpees after the 3 rounds above.

I was doing pretty well, really, and at 25 minutes or so I was done with my 3 rounds and moving to burpees.  Something about the down to the 12" box then up and  jumping in the air started messing with my equilibrium and it wasn't good.  I finished 5 and took a break, finished 10 and took a break.  At this point, John started to get concerned because I wasn't breathing well, (damn asthma + humidity).  I could still talk to him.  I did 5 more burpees to finish 15, still talking.  I did 1 more and as I landed from my jump I felt my whole body start to wobble like a weeble.  I found a bench to sit down on, in front of the fan, and John came over to tell me I was done.  I really didn't want to be.  I thought I could get up and finish those last 34 burpees, but in reality, that would NOT have ended well.

I have to say, the huge victory in this is that I didn't quit, John made me.  I didn't give up on myself.  My body gave up on me.  I was trying so hard o finish my work out that my body just couldn't keep up.  I'm that girl who used to go to the gym, start walking/running on the treadmill and as soon as it started to get tough, I'd turn off the treadmill and go do something else.  I don't like feeling uncomfortable in my workouts.  I typically quit before it gets too hard.  But I'm not quitting on myself anymore.  I'm pushing myself.  Today I found my max, but that's a good thing, it means I truly pushed myself to my limits.  Next time I'll be able to finish those last 34 burpees, but for today, I'm still incredibly proud of myself.

Edited to add, I decided to go back and read my blog about the Princess Half Marathon this year, and my sister's.  I started this journey of honesty and using my failure to push me to succeed back in February at the Princess.  I decreed back then that I was going to use my failure to finish the princess as motivation to push myself and be prepared to finish it in 2013, and 6 months later, I am still true to my word.  I haven't sabotaged or given up on myself yet, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me.

Princess Biscuit!

And then I cried....

I cried on the way home tonight.  I just couldn't hold it back anymore.  I've been close during and after workouts in the last few weeks, but today, I couldn't control it at all.  Why?  Why did I cry?  Because I cannot believe how blessed I am to work out in a place that doesn't judge me for my current physical condition and the limitations that my obesity puts on me, but instead, they encourage me to continue the work I am doing.  I have no idea how many people were around me, talking to me, and encouraging me to finish today's workout.  First, I will say that today, required modification.

Today's WOD:
10 box jumps (I did 12" rx was 20")
10 bent-over rows (I did 45#, rx was 65#)
20 ab-mat sit ups
10x3 mountain climbers x hand-release push-ups (I did the girlie push-ups)
15 Kettle bell swings (I started with the 26# Kettle bell, but only made it through a few, and had to go down to the orange one, which I think is 13#, not sure)
10 pull-ups (I clearly can't do these, so I use a knee-strap and have to jump, and still can't get my chin all the way up to the bar).

We had to complete 4 rounds in under 30 minutes.  After the first 2 rounds, I thought I was going to make it in time, but after round 3, I didn't think I would.  After 3 rounds, I had less than 7 minutes to complete the last round, and I just didn't think it could happen.  It was then that I was surrounded by folks that were encouraging me, counting for me, telling me "you've got this!!!"  I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work out with.  I would NEVER have expected for a community of fit people to be so understanding, supportive and encouraging.  I have never felt judged at the box.  I have never felt embarrassed by anything except my own insecurities.

In my not so humble, but very outspoken and honest opinion, I have to say that I think Cross Fit is the best option for someone like myself who is confused or scared when it comes to working out.   The awesome thing about CrossFit is that you don't have to figure out what to do each day.  They tell you want to do.  They tell you how to do it so you don't get hurt.  They tell you how much weight they recommend you do.  They encourage you to find your own limits and push yourself past them.  CrossFit is a fitness idiot's dream (take my word for it, I promise).  YOu will not find a better place to discover what you are capable of than at CrossFit.  Find a box near you.  Call and ask questions.  Go try it out.

I will say that we were told at "foundations" that there are typically 2 responses to CrossFit, overwhelmed, and empowered.  I have never felt confident, empowered, or proud of myself, but after about 6 weeks at CrossFit Apex I feel more powerful and proud than I ever have in my life.  I encourage you to find a box near you and try CrossFit out!  If you are in the Raleigh/Durham area, I highly recommend CrossFit Apex.  This is a family of amazing people who care and will support you.  There are not enough superlatives in my vocabulary to describe how I feel about this place!!  Thank you, Andrea, Pete, Mike and all of the CrossFit Apex family for being AMAZING!!!

Biscuit!

A day full of firsts

Well, if you are friends with me on Facebook, you know that I posted earlier about my dad being diagnosed today with the early stages of Alzheimer's.  I wish I could be oblivious to what that means, but since his grandmother had it, this is not a new and confusing diagnosis for my family, we know exactly what lays ahead for us.  In the past I would have let this heart-wrenching news throw me into a binge of unmatched proportions, but today?  Today, I let it drive me, to a workout, filled with firsts.

First, let's see, today's skill was box jumps.  After our warm up, the goal was to work on increasing our box jump height.  The fact is, I have yet to do a box jump.  Thanks to my bum ankle, weight, and sore lower back, I've always just stepped up, stepped down.  Well, I got the box in front of me, and I didn't want to step up.  I wanted to jump.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.  I looked at Jim Barone and said, "What if I fall".  He said, "I'll pick you up and you'll do it again".  Well, okay, if its just that simple, what's the big deal?  So I fall on my face and wipe out, even if I do, I did so TRYING!  I didn't fall on my face running from what scared me, I would fall on my face trying what I feared.  So I tried it, AND I DID IT!!!!!!!  I did my first box jump, on a 12" box.  And I didn't just do it once or twice, I did it quite a few times....and I couldn't be more proud of myself (yet another first.  I usually explain away and minimize my successes, but not today)

Now it's time for the WOD.  Today's WOD doesn't look all that intimidating written on the board at first glance, but then, then you start doing it.  Today's WOD was cleans, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.  In between each set of Cleans, you did 5 bronco kicks, 10 plyo lunges and 15 wall ball sit-ups.  RX for women was 105# for the cleans, but I'm nowhere near ready for that kind of weight.  I put my 45# on the bar and got ready to go.  I did my 10 cleans, then time for the bronco kicks.  I've always modified them before, but today, there would be no modifications.  I did my 5 bronco kicks, then onto my plyo lunges, then my wall ball sit-ups.  I had never done wall ball sit-ups either.  I've always modified them to just plain old ab-mat sit-ups.  Well, no modifications means no modifications.....so I did them.  Today's WOD was for time, and I finished it in right around 36 minutes.  The only thing I modified was the weight on my bar (45 as opposed to 105).  Everything else was RX.

I can't believe I did it.  I want to thank the folks from the 5:30 work-out (I don't know all of your names) and some of those coming in for 6:30.  I was so afraid that Andrea was going to call time and say I had to quit.  I didn't want to quit.  I wanted to finish my workout.  I am so grateful for you guys encouraging me, helping me count, and keeping me going when I thought for sure I wouldn't make it.  This is why I love CrossFit!

No more mods for me....I might have to scale some of the weights, but I'm going to do everything without modifications going forward, unless there is a real reason for the modification....fear is not a real reason.  I'm more afraid of spending the rest of my life overweight, than I am of falling on my face during a WOD.

I've got this....

Krista

Back in the saddle....

Well, I ran away to Boston for the weekend for my cousin's wedding, and in a first of all time, didn't gain any weight while I was there.  I gained some water weight thanks to drinking soda, but once I was back home and drinking water, that all went away, and I"m right back where I was before I left town. 

I did go work out at Reebok CrossFit, Back Bay while I was there and had a good workout.  I struggled a little with nerves and anxiety (new place and new people).  They were absolutely amazing and helpful and encouraging. 

I am back today, and going to work out tonight.  I can't wait to get back to MY place and workout with the people I know.  It's time to get back in the saddle, in my routine, and kick this fat's butt!!

Krista