Noomin'

I started using Noom this week, and I think I can see how things work.

I've already started to learn things I've never known before.  I've been tracking my calories/meals in My Fitness Pal since January, and have had zero weight change, even though I regularly don't reach my calorie allotment for the day, to the point that I've been getting notifications from MFP that I'm not eating enough calories.  Turns out, while I'm not reaching my calorie goal, Noom breaks down foods into Green foods (low calorie density) yellow foods and red foods.  This week, I've yet to eat any green foods, so even though I'm below my calories each day, the calories I'm getting aren't quality calories!

I am supposed to be finishing my 8 week challenge with my Peloton this week, but I've missed enough rides (including rides I thought were optional, but actually weren't.) so it's going to take me until 5/22/20, and re-taking my FTP test on 5/23/20.

We'll call these my “before” pictures because while I’ve been exercising, I haven’t been eating well, nor did I take pictures at the beginning of this quarantine because, honestly, who would have thought that 2 months later we’d still be quarantined at home.

So, the deal is, I am finishing this 8 week challenge next week, starting some Yoga and Strength/core training and working on my diet. I’m going to do measurements tomorrow so I’ll have pictures, measurements, the scale, and my FTP test as measurable ways to look at how much I’ve improved. The next challenge is also 8 weeks and starts on June 1 and will end on July 26. I’ll post my results and pictures on July 27.....Stay tuned!!


I'm doing all of this while starting my MSA (Master of School Administration) on Saturday, teaching home full time and making sure my own children are doing what they are supposed to.


Nah--I don't have much on my plate these days!  LOLOL

Quarantine Day 60

Today is Quarantine Day 60!

In those 60 days, I have become far more active.  I have already ridden over 2,000 minutes I have now completed 65 Peloton rides (I had 11 at the beginning of this year).  I haven't lost any weight (I still need to address my diet) but I am still feeling far more healthy. 

My exercise routine has become far more regular than it's ever been! 

I found the most amazing this on the Peloton page, which is Power Zone Training.  Power Zone Training is based on your current fitness level.  You start out by taking an FTP test (Functional Threshold power) to determine your average output in 20 minutes.  You enter your results into the settings on your touchscreen/profile and then you can see your current "zones" at the bottom of the screen while you are riding.  As opposed to using Heart Rates, you use your "power zones" which focus on your output (a combination of your cadence--how fast you are pedaling--and your resistance--how hard it is for you to pedal).  So everyone is working in the same zone, even though for me, zone 3 is like 65-80 output and for Matt Wilpers (the Baby-Faced Assassin) is in the 190-205 range, it is the same difficulty for both of us.  In other words, we are training at our own fitness levels while riding together.  To me, this feels like the Peloton version of CrossFit, but instead of figuring out what I need to do to modify the workout for my abilities, the zones have already done that for me.

I jumped into an 8 week challenge at the beginning of this insanity and this is the last week of my first ever Power Zone Challenge.  I've learned a lot, and found out what NOT to do in the challenge.  While this is week 8, there are some rides that I missed that I thought were optional....so I will be going back to complete those.  Once I finish all of the rides and have completed all prescribed rides in the challenge, I will re-do my FTP test.  As it stands, I've done the FTP test three times.  The first two times, my fitness levels were in the negatives (not surprising for me) but the third FTP showed a HUGE improvement! 

I didn't ride much last year, due to my shoulder injury, and laziness, but between my first and second FTP tests, (February 19, 2019 and March 23, 2020) I saw an improvement in my FTP of 4%; my FTP went from 67 to 70,  not surprising, since I'd only ridden a handful of times between these tests.  But, from March 23, 2020 to April 17, 2020, I saw an improvement of 27%  and my FTP went from 70-89!  It looks like I'm going to re-take my FTP test on 5/22/2020, and my hope, is that this will show an improvement to an FTP of over 100!  If I reach an FTP of 100 that would be an improvement of 12%, but I'm hoping by not only completing all of the rides from the beginning of the challenge that I missed out on, plus some "extra credit" rides, I'll see an improvement of another 27% or more, which would give me an FTP of about 113.  I'll take either one, but I'm really hoping for that 113. 

Now that I've got my Cardio game going strong, it's time to add in some strength training and consistent stretching/core work.  There are, of course Peloton programs for these as well, so I'll ge starting those next Monday as I finish up this challenge next week. 

The next challenge starts 6/1, for another 8 weeks. 

In order to address the whole food issue, I decided to try out Noom.  The "I want a quick fix" part of me keeps seeing posts on Social media about this supplement or that Supplement and promising "quick and easy weight loss with no requirement to workout or change anything".  I know logically and intellectually that these quick fixes aren't going to work long-term, but the idea of seeing the number on the scale drop drastically and quickly is tempting.  So, I decided instead to choose something that will help me address these issues long-term and give me tools to keep the weight off that don't include buying a million really expensive supplements every month. 

So, my fitness journey now includes 3 main aspects..
1.  Peloton!  I love it, and I'll keep doing it.
2.  Noom--I'm hoping for some recipes and ideas on how to eat to get to and maintain a healthy weight. 
3.  Thrive!  I've been using this for a while because since my weight loss surgery in 2013, my body doesn't process nutrition, and specifically vitamins/nutrients the way that it should.  Thrive has helped me get my bloodwork back within normal ranges with the exception of D3, so I need more time in the sun! 

The fun kind of pain

So today, I did another 1 hour ride with my current favorite Peloton Instructor, Matt Wilpers.  I got another personal best for output today. 

The fun thing is learning new ways to push my body.  I think one of the reasons I enjoy riding with Matt so much is that he explains things in a way that make sense to me.  Do they hurt?  YES!  Do they make me uncomfortable?  ABSOLUTELY!  Am I seeing and feeling changes in my body as a result?  Yes, Yes I am! 

I have exercised 20 of the last 30 days using the Peloton, (an increase of 10 days over the prior 30 days) and have done at least 1 Peloton workout every week for the last 9 weeks. 

Today, Matt talked about feeling the entire pedal stroke, and not just using your quads to push the pedals down (we all know how to do that) but using your hamstrings and glutes to pull the pedals up on the back side of the pedal stroke.  I wasn't understanding what he said at first, and I wasn't feeling anything in my glutes or hamstrings, so I decided to try a different approach.  I sat back on my SITS bones (not fun) and rather than pushing the pedals, I only allowed my legs to pull. 

We were riding at a really slow cadence (under 65 rpm) but high resistance so I was in zone 4 of 7 in my power zones.  All of a sudden it felt like someone tied knots in my glutes and hamstrings and the burn in my quads was completely gone.  I had to consciously think about not letting my feet touch the bottom of my shoes, or pushing down on the pedals.  We did this for 4 minutes, which doesn't sound like much, but good gravy, did I feel it. 

I can tell my core strength is improving because when I started I had a very difficult time sitting up, 'heart forward, lengthening the spine, stacking my muscles above my hips and then hinging forward from there" with a slight bend in my elbows and not putting all the pressure on my hands.  Now I get it, and being able to sit up this way takes the stress off my hands, my quads, my knees and gives me more power. 

I also glanced at myself sideways in the mirror and was shocked.  While I'm not losing my belly just yet (yes, I know, abs are made in the kitchen), I'm starting to notice that my booty is lifting.  I've always had a big butt, so that isn't going to change, but I'd rather it sit higher than be saggy, and that appears to be happening. 

This quarantine has definitely taken a toll on our family mentally, but at least I'm finding some healthy ways to deal with it. 

Quarantine Fitness

So, just over a month ago, the state of NC shut down the schools and said we will not return to school until at least May 15.  I've spent the better part of the last month teaching myself how to become an online teacher for my students, since I'm not the best online learner myself, I want to be the best possible online teacher.  This internal drive to be the best causes me large amounts of anxiety and stress.

There are many ways to deal with that level of stress an anxiety.  In the past I have dealt with it by stress/binge eating, and sometimes having a drink or two.  I made a conscious decision that since I was going to be home the better part of the next two months, it was time to dedicate myself to my workouts and do better physically rather than giving myself a crutch that wasn't healthy or productive.

At the beginning of this quarantine, I had a total of 25 rides in on my Peloton bike, which I had owned for 13 months.  Since March 15 I have ridden an additional 24, and today, I will do my 50th Peloton Ride.  In this time I have discovered Power Zone Training, and put aside the fear of it and just jumped in head first to an 8-week Power Zone challenge.  I committed to riding 3 times per week over that 8 week period to get in my cardio and workout more consistently.

I have found three additional instructors that I love, so that list is now up to 4.  Cody Rigsby and Robin Arzon do "regular" rides and now Power Zone rides.  I adore them both, and in fact they are my go-to instructors for "fun" rides.  Cody has done Lady Gaga and Madonna Rides.  Robin did a Lizzo ride, a Hamilton Ride and a Greatest Showman ride.  Christine D'Ercole, Matt Wilpers and Denis Morton (who completely unfairly has way better than I do) all teach Power Zone Rides along with the "regular" rides.  Matt is a smiling demon who kicks my ass every time I get on the bike.  Denis is my Musical Spirit Animal and chooses awesome stuff like Janis Joplin, INXS, Toto.  Christine's tag-line is "I am, I can, I will, I do".  She tells you in every ride to drop your shoulders and drop your baggage.  She says that being on the leaderboard every ride is more important than where you are on the leaderboard.  I love them all for different reasons. 

When my doctor told me I shouldn't be running anymore, stopping running caused me to gain weight, approximately 25 pounds in 3 months.  While my Peloton journey doesn't have me losing weight because honestly, I can't outride my fork, and I need to be working hard on nutrition, it has helped me find a new activity that my aging/damaged knees can handle without massive pain, swelling and inflammation that lasts for days.  I'm falling in love with Peloton the way I did with CrossFit and running, when I could do those things.

I am not halfway to my century ride, and my free century t-shirt after I finish it.  I really think I want to go to NYC and ride with all of my favorite teachers in one weekend.  Maybe the stars will align and this damn virus will go away.  Maybe Barney will take me to NYC for my birthday next spring, and I'll get to meet them all.  In the meantime, I'm going to keep on pedaling.  I have also altered Christine's phrase slightly, "I am a badass, I can do anything I put my mind to, I will love myself through the process, I do deserve this!" 

Week 4...In the books

So, I just finished the 4th week, my Saturday workout and got weighed in.  I feel compelled to share some information about why this particular week carries a lot of emotion for me, so bear with me, if you would.

When I made the decision to have Weight loss surgery 5-1/2 years ago, not everyone in my immediate family was supportive or excited about that decision.  My Nana, though, told me she just wanted me to be as healthy as possible for me, my future and to be here as long as possible for my children.

Once the surgery was over and I start losing weight, she was very supportive, and then, when I got to about 195 pounds or so, she told me that "enough is enough" and that I didn't need to keep losing weight.  I was going to get too small (I have no idea how nearly 200 pounds could be too small, but I guess it's the perspective of what I was coming from).

Fast Forward 2 years, my knees were jacked up, I couldn't run, and the weigh was creeping back on.  The very last words I remember my Nana saying to me were, "I'm worried about you, you're gaining your weigh back and I don't want you to have done all of this for nothing."

Now here I am, 3 years later, again knocking on the door of 195 pounds.  Looking like I may be the size I was when she passed in the next week to 10 days.  What is interesting is, that 195 pounds was not a fit and toned 195, it was just a number on a scale.

I've spent the last 4 weeks totally changing my diet.  No fast food, no coffee creamer, no sugar.  No process crap.  My entire diet and everything I'm putting in my mouth is much healthier than I have ever eaten, even right after my weight loss surgery.

I feel healthier than I can ever remember feeling, and I am proud of how I'm doing this.  I have 2 more weeks left in the challenge, at which point, I will be allowed to go to a different meal plan that is not so restrictive, but I don't see the draw to doing so.  There is NOTHING unhealthy about what I am eating.  The other plan would maybe let me have some bacon once in a while or things like that, but I am seriously thinking about keeping this meal plan going with an infrequent "splurge" toward some of the items allowed on the other meal plan.

I want to continue to lose weight, get healthier, and find the best possible version of me!  There are 2 more weeks in the challenge officially, but my challenge will continue long after that.

I have 6 weeks until I board a cruise ship and I want to feel comfortable on that ship, in my bathing suit, etc.  It seems I'm averaging around 2.5 pounds per week so far in this challenge.  If I continue on that pace, I would be around 183 on that day, maybe a bit more, or maybe a bit less.  That isn't really the most important part about this.  What is important is how I'm building habits of going to work out.  I'm building habits of eating healthy food, even in the face of Super Bowl snacks tomorrow.

Anyone want to join me??

I feel liberated....

There is something liberating, and quite frankly, beautiful, about falling in love with yourself.  It would almost be funny if it weren't so sad that it took me nearly 44 years to get here.  I'm allowing my heart to guide me this year, and saying yes and no to things that I determine either do or don't fit into my future.

I started the body transformation challenge with high hopes of getting healthy, and as a bonus side effect, maybe dropping some of the extra pounds I've been carrying around, specifically the 38 I had regained from my lowest weight post weight loss surgery.

As with any goal, it is not a success only journey, but the question is, when faced with adversity, how do you handle it?  How do you respond?

Last week was difficult.  I hurt my knee during Tuesday's workout, nothing major just really inflamed since I have no cartilage in there, and can't take anti-inflammatory medications to help my body handle the swelling after that.  I was in pain, my knee was tight with swelling, so I wasn't able to work out the rest of the week.  I could barely walk, quite frankly.  So I did what I could, and stuck to the meal plan for the most-part, but then when I started to get down, I gave myself permission to fail....but only for a little while.  I knew I wasn't going to lose as much weight as week 1 (5.4 pounds), but I also knew I had no reason/excuse to GAIN weight.  So I did what I could.

One of the interesting side effects of eating whole foods instead of fast food and processed crap is that my body is processing foods the way it should be.  I hadn't made the connection before, and while this is TMI its part of my reality, so I thought I'd share.  I have been taking medication for 2-1/2 years to allow my intestines to process food probably and have some kind of output from my body other than urgent trips to the bathroom with loose bowels.  I haven't taken that medication, nor do I need it, for the last 2 weeks.  I feel good, my body is processing food the way it should, because I'm giving my body what it needs to do so.  I'm down to 1 pill per day which has to do with my clinical depression, and that will likely never go away!

So when I got on the scale last night, I wasn't totally shocked to see I had gained .6 pounds.  I would be lying if I said I was surprised, because how could I be?  I didn't work out and I didn't stick to the meal plan 100%.  My coaches are amazing and super supportive and informed me that week 2 of these type of lifestyle changes is often the hardest.  Rather than throwing in the towel because, "It obviously isn't going to work" I've doubled down and continued to pursue and chase the healthy lifestyle I know I need.  I have all my meals for the week planned and prepped but 1, and I'm pushing myself to do everything by the book.

As for workouts, last night I did my CrossFit workout at CrossFit Brave, then when I got home, I finished setting up my Peloton bike that got delivered yesterday and took it for a bit of a spin.  It was fabulous, and fun, and oh so hard!  It's a different kind of hard than CrossFit which is good.  I was sweating my butt off in the first 10 minutes, and had to convince myself to stay in the ride for the whole 30 minutes.  No CrossFit for me tonight, but I'm going to find this Dirty Dancing Peloton ride I keep hearing about and give it a whirl.

I've found that the longer I stay on this plan, the better I feel, the less I hurt, and people have actually approached me to tell me that I look good and I appear happy.  I hope that's a sign of how well I am adjusting to this new lifestyle.

I am NOT on a diet, I'm changing my life.  I'm hoping these changes lead to a bit more weightloss over the next 7-1/2 weeks until I board that cruise ship and I get on the boat around 185 pounds....As of yesterday, I was at 205.6, but I'll be back to my Saturday morning weigh in this Saturday.  Hopefully my cycling workouts on CrossFit off days will help me continue to see a smaller number on the scale.

Why is this time different?

I keep asking myself this.  What is going to make this time different?  I came to a huge conclusion about this answer on Saturday and wanted to share with you all. 

I have, for many years, made resolutions that required me to lose a certain number of pounds.  I had weight loss surgery 5 years ago, and still wasn't able to stick to the very strict diet required.  Once I got comfortable, I went back to my old habits, so the million dollar question is:

 "Why do I think this time is going to be different?"

Here's the answer I have come to, with some background as to what led me to said answer. 

So, on Friday morning last week, 1/11/19, I walked out of the house without my prepared breakfast, and had to figure out what to eat.  Skipping breakfast is NOT an option on this meal plan, nor is it ever healthy.  For a split second I gave myself permission to indulge in my guilty pleasures, drive through and get sugar laden coffee with a danish or something like I would before I started this process (AGAIN).  Then I snapped back to reality and asked why I was willing to allow myself to fail?  Yes, I admit, I am the queen of self-sabotage, but why?  So instead, I stopped at Starbucks, ordered Sous Vide Egg-white bites with red peppers and a plain oatmeal.  Both things are definitely on my meal plan, and while not necessarily in the correct proportions, it was better than a donut or whatever else I may have caved and eaten. 

Then on Friday night, the CrossFit Brave coach posted the workout I had signed up for on Saturday and it scared me to death!  It was going to be a partner WOD, but we would be doing 3 different CrossFit Games workouts from previous years.  CrossFit Games workouts are BRUTAL!!!  I almost cancelled the class and decided to sleep in, but decided instead I needed to stay in, and not cherry-pick the workouts I was willing to go to. 

On the way home from my workout, I realized something that seems like semantics, but so isn't.  In the past, my resolutions, my weight loss efforts, my weight loss surgery I always explained the same way....."I'm tired of being fat!"  While that is a good motivation to get started, it doesn't keep you honest once you lose the certain number of pounds you had thought of, or decided you had lost enough weight.  This, I believe, is why diets don't work!  Instead, this time, my motivation came from a totally different place, "I want to be healthy!"

Why the change?  I have found 2 lumps in my breasts in the last year.  My doctor was testing me for Auto-Immune disorders last fall because I was exhausted, constantly fatigued, having headaches daily and couldn't fight off a simple cold for 3-1/2 weeks. I cared for my dying mother-in-law last February.  I watch my father suffer with dementia, COPD, and A-fib every day, and I watch my mother struggle with Multiple Sclerosis.  High Blood pressure and High Cholesterol run down both sides of my family, as to heart issues and Strokes.  I cannot continue to shove unhealthy crap in my mouth and expect my body to resemble anything healthy. 

This time, it's about health.  It's about putting good food into my body so it can function at its best.  It's about moving my body and challenging myself so that I don't end up with osteoperosis or other degenerative diseases that run in my family because I made unhealthy decisions for too long.  The difference is that instead of a # on the scale, I'm working toward healthy living, and as we all know, health is NOT determined by the lowest number on the scale.  Weight loss will likely be an exciting side-effect of the healthy eating and working out, but it isn't the focus of my journey! 

So, this year, I started this journey to health at 210.6 according to the scale at the gym last Monday. 
On Saturday at the gym, I was at 205.2.  Down 5.4 # in 6 days. 

This week, I'm definitely working out 3x, maybe 4.  I have all my meals for the week prepped and packed through Friday, so I just have to grab them and go. 

2019---the Journey Continues

It's been over a year since my last blog post, and honestly, 3 years since I posted consistently.  The thing is about a weight loss journey, is that it's like anything else.  When you are super focused on it, and chasing a goal, accountability is key, and makes that goal attainable.  I never reached what I had claimed as my weight goal before my Sleeve Gastrectomy in 2013 (my stated goal was between 145 & 155).  I got as low as 172#, and then life happened.  Sick parents, in-laws, and grandparents.  These things required me to eat at the hospital, or eat out.  I slowly allowed myself to fall back into old, unhealthy habits.  Fast Food, Starbucks fru-fru coffee drinks, sweet tea, bigger and bigger portion sizes. 

In the first 3 years after my surgery, I was running fairly consistently and was able to keep the weight to a healthy level, but in 2016 I was dealt another blow and told to stop running.  After 20+ years of obesity I have literally ZERO cartilage in my left knee.  This is why after my 2 half marathons ins 2016, both time my left knee swelled up like a cantaloupe.  I have also broken my feet and ankles many times, those have led to arthritis that gets worse, not better.....so I gave up.

I gave up, and quit exercising and continued to allow myself to fall back into the old habits, and go further and further down the rabbit hole.  I allowed my frustration over not being able to run to lead back to me sitting on the couch.....NOT GOOD. 

Sometimes road trips have detours, and that's what I've been on.  Basically I detoured from my post-op healthy eating and let myself just wallow in the "I guess I'll just be fat again" pity for a while.  But the thing is, just like detours end, this one had to as well.  It still haunts me that the last thing my grandmother said to me was, "You're starting to gain your weight back and I'm worried about you."
For whatever reason, my brain jumped on board with ending this little detour and I'm back at it. 

I find blogging to be therapeutic.  I like it because I can share what/how I feel, and also hold myself accountable.  My 2019 New Year's Resolution is not one I'm used to.  This year I am focused on being more mindful and healthy in every way; Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually and Mentally.  To that end, since I can't run, and my other favorite workout is CrossFit, I found one near my work, and I LOVE them!  CrossFit Brave is right by my school, which means I can't go home to change clothes before going to work out  (It'd be about 45 minutes round-trip).  That means I have to bring my clothes to work with me in the mornings and be prepared to go work out after school.  That also means I can't go home with the best of intentions of "coming back to work out later" and getting too comfortable snuggled up on the couch.  As part of joining I decided to participate in a 6 week/42 day Body Transformation Challenge.  This means that I also get a meal plan to follow, accountability, weekly weigh-ins and coaching.  I'm finishing up my first week, and I love how it's going. 

I meal-prepped on Sunday night and packed up most of my food for the week.  It's good to just open the refrigerator, grab what you need and go for the day.  Today, that kind of got wei-leid as I left my healthy prepared food at home.  For a hot second I thought I might just cave and buy some of that greasy fast food that I love (But have figured out this week that my body hates).  Then I decided that speed bumps didn't have to mean failure.  I drove through Starbucks this morning, and rather than a fru-fru coffee drink and oatmeal with a crap ton of brown sugar (My go-to) I ordered classic oatmeal with no toppings and the Egg-white Sous Vide bites with red pepper.  They were DELICIOUS, and fulfilled the protein portion of my breakfast.  Sadly, the folks at Starbucks didn't see fit to put the hot water in my oats to actually make it oatmeal.  It's all good though.....I just kept rolling.  I'm short on veggies and carbs for today, but that's fine. 

Now, the working out part, that's a whole different beast.  My body loves and hates CrossFit simultaneously.  I love how it makes me feel, my body seems to naturally move the way it should, but it's been YEARS since I've lifted.  I worked out Monday and was still struggling to walk yesterday, but still went to work out again. 

Strength--Find our 1-rep max back squat. 
I'd have to look back to see what mine was before, as I can't even begin to remember, but I was concerned so I started out with the 35# bar only.  I ended up maxing out at 115#, which felt FABULOUS!

WOD: Our WOD was insane, and I'm still sore!
3 rounds, count how many reps of each movement you do

1 minute front squat (I used dumbbells since I'm not quite up to par yet)
1 minute sit-ups
100 meter run in 1 minute (this only counted as a rep if you got back into the building before the minute was up)

1st round I got in 39 reps---and yes, I made it back into the building on the run
2nd round I got in 36 reps--yep, made it back into the building again, so the run counted, but only barely
3rd round I only got 27 reps.  My quads were burning like mad, felt like I might vomit on the sit-ups, and the nausea got worse on the run.  Nope, didn't make it back this time for the run to count.

I got in 102 reps.  It felt AMAZING, and while my body HATES me at the moment, I'm SO GLAD I'm getting to do CrossFit again. 

I'm going to be blogging regularly again this year, as I get back on track for this journey.  I've set a few small goals:

In the 6 weeks of the challenge, I'm hoping to average about 2 pounds of weight loss per week.  That would put me right around 196 on my bathroom scale at home, on Sunday mornings, before eating anything.

I plan on continuing this meal plan/working out for an additional month, leading up to our Cruise in March.  That would be 11 weeks, and thus, 22 pounds of weightloss.  On my scale at home, that would mean I'd board the cruise ship around 184 pounds. 

After the cruise, I plan to continue a similar, but not as restrictive meal plan, and work outs, so that I can continue to lose weight.  I don't have a specific number in mind, but I figure fit and healthy sounds like a good goal, right? 

I hope you'll join me on the continuation of this journey and help to hold me accountable. 

Here's to Healthy accomplishments in 2019!!

4 years ago today

Four years ago today, I underwent Gastric Sleeve surgery.  I had amazing success that went on for nearly 2-1/2 years:

I started my pre-op diet at 265.8, I went into surgery at 255.3, and today, I'm at 253.8, so I have lost exactly 12 pounds since I started the pre-op diet.

2 week check-up and was please to hear that according to their scales, I have lost 23 pounds.

10/31/13:  Yesterday I was one month out from having Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy surgery.  I went for my follow-up with my surgeon and he was very impressed with my progress.  According to his scale, I weighed 239.5, having started at 268.8 before I started the pre-op diet on September 16, meaning I have lost 29.3 pounds in 6 weeks.

11/18/13:  and I have lost 35.0 pounds exactly since starting the pre-op diet.  I have 88.8 more to go to my goal of 145.

12/30/13:  In that 3 months, I have lost 47 pounds, and quite a few inches.  I've gone from a size 22 to almost a 16

1/29/2014:  Today, I weighed in at 210.6 pounds.

3/7/14:  I'm down now to 202 pounds, just barely outside of "one-derland".

4/3/14:  I started this journey knowing that my highest weight ever was 270 pounds....and today, I weighed 194

5/1/14:  I am down to 189.2 pounds, a total loss of almost exactly 81 pounds from my heaviest weight of 270 pounds.  I have gone from wearing a size 22 to wearing a size 14 and my bra size has gone from a 44DD to a 38DDD.

8/3/14:   I have reached a the dreaded weight loss plateau.  I have been staying right between 182 & 185 pounds.

10/12/14:  On September 16, I started a pre-op diet at 265.8 (my highest weight I ever saw on a scale was 270).  After 2 weeks on the pre-op liver-shrinking diet, I was wheeled into the OR weighing 255.8.  last Friday at my 1 year post-op visit, I weighed 171.  I am VERY close to losing 100#.

Here I sit 4 years later, and I've started to regain my weight. There are a lot of reasons fro my having regained this weight. After running 2 half marathons in 4 months, I found out I had zero cartilage in my left knee, thus making it extremely painful to run, and causing uncontrolled swelling with any amount of exercise. I had about a 6 week period where my father-in-law, my father, and then my Nana were all in the hospital. My Nana ended up passing away and then subsequently travelling for her funeral, etc. That's when my weight started to go up. The last words my grandmother spoke to me were, "You're gaining your weight back, I'm worried about you."

Here's the reality of things. The battle against obesity isn't something that is ever Won, or Lost, in reality. It is an ongoing battle that will truly never end. I got on the scale this morning and I weighed 208.6 pounds, back up to where I was at 4 months post-op 4 years ago. I NEED to stop the weight gain and start getting it moving in the other direction. My weight has crept back up over the last 2 years to the point hat I would again be eligible for weight loss surgery, which I have no desire to repeat, so I am going to be trying non-surgical options. My friend, Faith told me about Body by Obona, which affords me the opportunity to work with a personal trainer and get a workout and personalized Diet/meal plan to help me start losing weight again. Today, I will go shopping for my new meal plan and do my meal prep for the next 6 days. I haven't posted very regularly in a while and life has just gotten in the way. The thing is, when I let life get in the way, I end up disappointed in myself. I need to reign this in BEFORE I lose control of it, again.

I start again tomorrow, just like I did 4 years ago. I start again as dedicated to success as I was 4 years ago. I'm going to win this battle over obesity, even if I have to fight the battle EVERY DAY of my life, until I take my last breath. It's worth it to continue to fight.

Health Scares and life changes...

Good morning, strangers!

I haven't been around much, and posting on my blog, to put it bluntly, I got comfortable, and a bit lazy with my health.  I injured my knee a year and a half ago and I haven't been able to run since then.  I tried to go back to cross-fitting, which I LOVE, but a knee with zero cartilage is just NOT conducive to squatting, with or without weight.

Right after that injury to my knee, our family suffered some serious health issues.  My father-in-law had a pacemaker put in, immediately after returning from helping them, my father was admitted to the hospital.  2 or 3 days after my father was discharged from the hospital, my Nana was admitted and subsequently passed away.  With all that travel, time in hospitals, eating out, and travelling for my Nana's funeral, I gained back 20 of the 98 pounds I had lost (and kept off for 18 months).  Over the last 15 or 16 months, I've gained an additional 12 pounds due to basically getting "comfortable" and not having a way to workout that I loved or quite frankly, was even comfortable with.  I've also allowed myself to go back to some of my bad eating (and drinking) habits.  No, i don't often, if ever, drink alcohol, but I'm addicted to coffee and sweet tea like some are addicted to stronger drinks.

All of this has contributed to me getting back above 200 pounds for the first time in over 2 years.  While I'd like to cry about this revelation, it is my own fault, and not something I can blame on anyone or anything but myself.

Well, a few weeks I got myself a MAJOR wake-up call that has made me take an honest look at my decisions and take inventory of what I'm doing in my day-to-day life.  It's been just over 3 weeks (I think), maybe 4(?) that I was working before school care and out of nowhere, I had a horrible pain in my chest.  Then the pain was in my shoulder, I thought I would throw up, or pass out, or maybe both.  My hands started to sweat really badly, I told the lady I was working with that I was having chest pain and as SHOULD happen, they called 911.  I spent Monday and Tuesday in the hospital being checked for all manner of heart issues and blood clots.  Then I ended up in the ER again on Saturday with a blood clot that went from my wrist to my elbow.  The only test left to be completed was a stress test.  I completed that on Monday of this week and was told that my heart was healthy.

I was also given stern lectures by the ER doc and the cardiologist that I needed to get back to exercising.  I need to find a low-impact exercise (for my knee) that I can enjoy and get my heart rate up and increase my cardiovascular health.  I need to do this and fix my eating habits so that I'm putting healthier food into my body.  All of this is going on around the same time that my 10yo daughter is struggling with her weight as well.  My husband had some bloodwork done.  My Husband's blood pressure is a bit on the high side,  His last few sets of blood work have shown high cholesterol and triglycerides. Everyone in our family is in need of a much healthier diet.

What's interesting in all of this is that just recently I've really come to accept my body as it is.  For the first time in my adult life I'm not disgusted with myself when I look in a mirror.  I don't feel like a failure or like something has gone horribly wrong in my life making me a failure.  So while I know that losing weight will likely be a product of my healthier diet and exercise, it's not my goal.  My primary focus and goal is my health.  I'm looking at this as an honest-to-goodness lifestyle change.  I don't EVER want to experience the fear, pain or anxiety that I did that morning at school.  If that wasn't a heart attack, which they tell me it wasn't, I don't want to know what one feels like.  Yikes.

I'm going to go back to blogging on a regular basis, because it keeps me accountable.  While I have no weight loss goals, I'll still be keeping track of my weight, and measurements, to be sure I have a way to track progress.  I'm going to go back to food logging on My Fitness Pal, and I'll be wearing my FitBit every day as well.  If you are on either platform, and would like to follow and help support me I'd appreciate any help and support.  I know for sure that when I started this weight loss journey in earnest years ago, I know I was told repeatedly that it would be a life-long battle.  If there was anything in my entire life that I had hoped would be wrong, that little tidbit I hoped would be wrong.  It appears that nothing was ever truer, and this crazy journey to health and fitness is one that I will struggle with for the long-haul!

I appreciate everyone's love and support over the years.

Krista

I'm BACK!!!

Well...it's been nearly 6 months since I have blogged, and quite frankly, this was not surprising to me.  I remember everyone telling me before my weight loss surgery that even once I reached my goal, it would be a daily struggle to stay at my goal weight and keep it off.

In November/December of 2015 we had 3 consecutive family members in the hospital, followed by the death of my beloved Nana.  I had been at 95 pound weight loss from about July of 2014 to December 2015 if memory serves me correctly....and then the hospitalizations, Nana's death, hospital food, fast food...and well, 20 pounds crept back on.  I have a few family members that say they are happy with this weight gain because I was "too thin" for a while, but I couldn't disagree more.  I was drastically smaller than I had been in over 20 years, so I think people aren't really used to smaller me.
Add to all of that the realization that I have a bum knee, with absolutely NO cartilage in my left knee.  The doc says I'm not ready for Knee Replacement but I most certainly will be in the next 10-15 years.  I let the knee pain get the best of me and just threw in the towel there for a while, both physically and mentally.  I was over it...I wanted to just say, "Hell, I'm 41 years old, I'm not getting any younger, and I've run two half marathons...why keep pushing?"

Well, the why is simple...I'm neither happy nor comfortable with where I am.  I understand that other people have opinions, but just like I refused to allow those to make my decisions for me when I was overweight, I never gave people's opinions power over me and my decision making when I was morbidly obese, why should I give them that power now?

So, I have re-dedicated myself to my health and wellness goals.  I got weighed tonight after Boot Camp and weighed 203.6.  I swore I'd never be above 200# again, but here I am.  So, I also got my measurements done this evening, including my body fat percentage, which was at 37%.  The trainer said his goal would be for me to be below 30%, but I'd still like to be around 25%.

My health goals are pretty straight-forward:

155-160 pounds (I have between 43 and 48 pounds to lose to get there)
25% body fat

My workout goals:
Work out at Burn Boot Camp 4-5 times/week
Run 3 days/week

My food goals:
eat clean 80% of the time
Cut out sweet tea
cut out fast food

I'd like to ring in 2018 feeling like I achieved all aspects of health and wellness.  I don't have to reach the number goals, per se.  Will I feel like I failed if at the end of 2017 I weigh 165 pounds, absolutely not!  I will have made a great deal of progress.

I've said all along this was a journey--there is no end point, except health and wellness...in whatever form that shows up.  But I gave up last year, and I won't be doing that anymore!  I have this body, and have worked for it.  I'm going to continue working as long as my body will allow me to.  At whatever point that my knee does give out and requires knee-replacement I'll slow down as much as I have to to maintain the health of that knee...but in the meantime, IT'S ON!!

July 10 update

Well, this week has gone better than I expected in a lot of ways.

I spent the first few days on nothing but liquids.  I've basically eaten 1 solid meal/day since Thursday, slowly getting back to being able to eat "normal" foods.

As of this morning, I'm down to 195.2.  That is almost 5# since I was admitted to the hospital on Tuesday, June 28.  I'm good with that...5 pounds in just under 2 weeks.

I'm back on the "right" side of 200 pounds, now to continue the downward progress of the scale.

I'm going to start walking this week, and next week, after my post-op check-up, as long as I'm released, I'm going to begin working the 21-Day Fix.  I've had it for a few months, but haven't actually done it yet.  We had to suspend our gym membership for the summer, since I'm not working, so I have to work out at home.

Thanks for checking in with me.

Krista

What's that old saying???

I think it goes something like, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions..."  Well, I have been living that very reality this last week.

When we were at Disney a couple weeks a go I started to noticed I couldn't eat much, I was throwing more and more food away because as hungry as I was, it was just uncomfortable to eat.  It just kept getting worse.

On Saturday, June 25, we were at the zoo with Barney's family, and I broke out in a cold sweat, thought I might pass out and was in horrible pain.  Things just kept getting worse.  By last Monday night, I was in so much pain after about 1/3 of a chicken breast and a few green beans that I stayed up hoping it would "settle" until almost 2am.  I felt like it was stuck somehow.  I woke up Tuesday morning in even more pain, like someone had shoved their fist through me.  I could feel the "knot" from front to back.  It hurt to drink, eating wasn't even the tiniest option because of the pain.

I had a job interview, which I went to, then came home and called my surgeon's office from my weight loss surgery nearly 3 years ago.  They made an appointment for me for Wednesday at 3:45 the following day and told me to go to the ER immediately if the pain became unbearable.  By about 7:00, having had about 20 oz of fluids, and not a bite to eat, I knew I was in the danger zone for dehydration and I needed to go to the ER.

I did.  They checked me for blood clots in my lungs, which they told me I didn't have, then the next thing I knew, I was being admitted, for what I had no idea.  As they were rolling me to my room they informed me I was going to ICU, the only bed in the entire hospital that was available.  We won't discuss the complete panic I went into when they were wheeling me closer and closer to the room my Nana passed away in in December.  The ICU nurse kindly read the radiology report to me from the CT scan they had done and it said I had a "small herniation along the suture line from my sleeve".  She didn't try to interpret that, and said she had no information about sleeve gastrectomy, so she didn't feel like she could speak intelligently.

Wednesday rolled around and the PA from my surgeon's practice came in to see me.  She explained that I did have a hernia.  She suspected that they would do an Upper GI and then, if that confirmed the Hiatal Hernia, she would expect an EGD (scope down my throat to look for ulcerations), done in the OR to be able to immediately fix the hernia and any ulcerations that they found.  I was taken for an Upper GI that afternoon, with a Radiologist that, to put it bluntly, was an arrogant ass.  I got moved out of ICU and into a regular room that day as well, which was nice.  I felt like the ICU nurses had so many better things to do than to take care of me.

Thursday comes around, and again, the PA comes in.  She explained that the doctor wasn't going to do surgery at this time.  His plan was to get me to the point that I could tolerate fluids and get me home, then bring me back in to do the hiatal hernia repair as an elective outpatient procedure.  I sat there and cried, for literally over an hour.  I felt like I was abandoned.  Here I was, sick, in order to eat jello, I had to ask for pain medication (morphine) to be able to eat it and not cry.  How could he possibly think that was a logical answer, especially without having been in to see me?

I had decided that enough was enough, and that I wanted to see a surgeon.  PERIOD!  I asked the nurse to call the doctor's on-call # and let them know that I wanted to see a surgeon on Friday.  My doctor came in about 8:30 or so and gave me a million reasons why he wanted to send me home.  I explained why I thought that was crazy.  I have a job to be healed for.  I have job interviews to be recovered for.  I have a family.  I have 3 kids to take care of, and by the way, the financial implications of a 2nd admission and doing the surgery just weren't viable for us.....and prolonging this pain and illness just WASN'T an option.  He agreed to do the surgery on Friday evening, around 8:30.  He was reluctant, said I wasn't in enough pain, that he would rather reserve that slot for someone sitting on the side of the bed wretching in pain.  Well, I stood my ground and he agreed.  The CRNA came in around 9:00 to do the whole pre-anesthesia thing...just before 11:00 on Friday morning, the nurse came almost running into my room all in a rush, they were coming to get me right then for surgery.  The anesthesiologist that came up behind her said that the surgery schedule was so light they were only running 3 of the 9 ORs.

All things considered this has been one crazy week.  I got home Saturday evening from the hospital and am still dealing with the air they had pumped up into my stomach for my surgery, all the gas is painful to absorb and get rid of.  I haven't had pain medication since Saturday night of any kind, which is good (to be honest, that stuff really scares me).  I ate solid food tonight for the first time in a week.

This is another speed bump/delay in my goal of getting back down to my weight before my Nana passed, but it's a goal worth working for and achieving no matter how long it takes.

Thank you to all my friends and family who checked on me over the last week and said prayers.  I am on the mend, and will slowly, but surely get back to full form.  I have a follow-up with my surgeon next week which I need to schedule tomorrow....in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy some time with my babies, relaxing and hugging them.  The older 2 are headed to camp next week, so I think a relaxing week is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Krista

P.S.  For anyone who may be wondering, I did get on the scale today...197.6, so a bit more weight lost, which should happen considering I've been on a liquid diet for a week.  I just need to be smart as I re-introduce things to my diet that I make good choices.

Weekly Update

So, I have noticed this week that the focus on my weight is taking me back down a slippery path where I end up obsessing over the # on the scale, rather than making healthy decisions.

So I refuse to focus on the # on the scale.  I did weigh myself this morning, and I'm at 198.6, which makes me super happy, but more impressively, I've had 1 single glass of sweet tea this week at lunch, and 1 coffee from Dunkin Donuts.  (this is down from Coffee purchased out every day, and at least 2-3 sweet teas every day, usually from Bojangles.)

So, I'm looking at those wins, and focusing on those steps in the right direction.  Yes, I'm losing weight as well, but I don't want to focus on that, because then I get a bit overwhelmed and obsessed and it stresses me out.

Thank you for continuing to support me.  Now that I really feel like I've got the coffee and tea under control, it's time to step up my exercise game.

Krista

Post-Disney Update

So, I said I was going to be working on changing my eating habits and getting my weight back down.  The plan was to start after the trip to Disney because we had the dining plan, and I didn't know what kind of food would be available.

I was super excited to get on the Scale on Sunday morning and see that my weight had gone from 202 point something to 200.6.  So, somehow I lost about a pound-and-a-half at Disney; likely because I about sweated to death!

So now I'm working on being far more mindful of what I eat and drink.  Making changes a little bit at a time.  I started by getting Crystal Light Peach Tea, to replace my sweet tea addiction.  Crystal Light was recommended by my weight loss surgeon if you needed to get your water in, but didn't like the taste of water.  Once I get over the hump with the tea, I'll work on cutting back the coffee, too.

Week 1 update

I posted last week about gaining weight and being back up above 200 pounds for the first time in about 2 years. J was devastated when I saw that 2 as the first number on the scale again, but if I'm being honest, not surprised. I've been tempting fate for a while, allowing myself to fall into old habits and not being nearly as careful or mindful as I should be about what I put into my body.

I am happy to report that a bit under a week later, I got on the scale this morning and I was down 1.5# to 200.8. The scale is moving in the right direction for now.   I'm not sure what will happen this week with being on vacation and eating park food. On the positive side, though, we'll likely walk about 8-10 miles each day in the parks, so that should help, too

Thank you for the positive support you all offered me, either publicly or privately over the last week or so. It means more than you know.

Krista

This post sucks....

This post is going to be the hardest post that I have posted, maybe ever.  As I have shared over the years, very clearly, I needed help to lose weight.  I needed to have weight loss surgery to take control of my life back and get myself to a healthy weight.

Fast forward 2 years, to the fall of 2015.  I had been sitting at between 175 & 179 since July 2014 and had gone into to "coast" mode.  In September 2015, I injured my knee and was no longer able to run, squat, or do much of anything I had grown accustomed to doing as I was losing weight.  I was in the process of getting to the bottom of this issue and speaking to the doctor about the options to correct the pain in my knee, when both sides of my family ran into health crises.  

My father-in-law ended up with a pacemaker, and my Nana passed away, and in between the two, my dad was in the hospital as well.  Trips and stays in the hospital aren't good for anyone's stress level or diet, and I started to allow myself to fall back into old habits.  

I have now had 3 Synvisc injections in my knee and am still in pain, all day, every day.  I have no cartilage in my left knee at all, so the hope was that these injections would do the job that the cartilage should be doing, but it appears not to be the case for me.  I wake up in pain every day, it hurts for me to sit for too long, or to stand/walk for too long.  

The point of all this rambling, for lack of a better word, is to explain that life has gotten in the way.  I said when I chose to have weight loss surgery that it was nothing more than a tool, and one that I had to use or it wouldn't work.  I haven't been using my tool.  I've been in cruise control, heading down the highway to my old self and bad habits.  

I got on the scale yesterday morning, and to my horror, 202.00 was staring back at me.  I swore I'd never breech the 200 mark again, but alas, I have.  It's time for me to get my act back in gear.  We are finishing up the school year and preparing for our family vacation to Disney.  I was super excited and bought some new clothes for the trip, only to find that the size I've been wearing for over a year and a half is too small.  My size 14's aren't fitting me anymore.  Well, I'm not OK with that, and I'm not going to just accept it.  

So I'm going to be spending my summer getting back to the things that I know how to do to get my weight back under control.  I'm going to be drinking protein shakes, getting in my protein from meet, eating more vegetables and fruit, no sweet tea.  I've got to re-gain control of my eating and my lifestyle, before I end up back at the 270 pounds I weighed when I started this journey.  

I'm only going to weigh myself once/week (On Sunday mornings) to avoid my scale obsession and frustration.  I hope you'll encourage and support me as I continue to share this journey with you all.  

Krista

Fight Gone Bad

Today's WOD was "fight gone bad"....and truer words were never spoken!

This workout was awful.  I had worked out last night (monday at 7:00).  The less than 12 hour turn around didn't help the situation.

To make matters worse, the WOD was brutal, called "Fight Gone Bad".  The description of the WOD can be found here. 

I showed up for my first 5:30am WOD and honestly, woke up in pain and almost bailed on it.  Tired of bailing on workouts, and on myself, I went anyway.

I got ready, and when our coach, Josh told us to get started...I decided I was ready to go.  It's

So the WOD goes like this, 5 minutes of work, 1 minute of rest, and a different exercise every minute on the minute:

Minute 1--wall balls (10# ball for me)
Minute 2--box jumps (I have to step-up due to my knee issues, using a 20" box)
Minute 3--Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (25 # KB)
Minute 4--Push Press (I had 55# the first round, dropped to 35# for rounds 2 & 3)
Minute 5--Row for calories

Rest 1 minutes---do a total of 3 rounds,

In my first round I got 69 reps
Round 2--61 reps
Round 3--30 reps

Between last night's workout and todays, everything from my shoulders to my bra strap, plus my left knee and my quads are KILLING me!

No workout tomorrow.  Tomorrow's WOD includes Overhead squats, and pull-ups, 21-15-9.

My first round of knee injections is tomorrow, and i'm so sore already from the last 2 days.  Maybe after my injection----I can get in the water at the gym and get a workout in that doesn't hurt my knee as much....who knows!!!

Krista

Back at it!

I've got some pretty big goals this year....and in order to complete them, I've gotta get my booty back in the gym.

I registered for the 2016 CrossFit Games, but then wasn't able to complete all 5 workouts due to travel and a nagging knee injury.

I'm going to be getting Orthovisc injections in my knee starting this week, on April 6, 13 and 27.  In the meantime, I'm going to be adding some workouts, some swimming and cycling workouts to the mix when I can't do impact exercises.

I'm also participating in a Diet Bet with the folks who had weight loss surgery the same time I did.  We are all 2-1/2 years out of surgery, and a lot of us have gained at least a little bit of weight back.  The battle against obesity is never over.....it's something we HAVE to fight and be aware of every sing day, every single meal....

Also, I need to STOP making excuses.  I missed my planned workout this morning at 5:30, because while my alarm was set, it was turned all the way down.  So many times (every single other time in my life) I would have written off today as being one without the workout.  Instead, today, I realized that I would be done coaching volleyball by 6;45, and there was a 7:00 WOD....so, I got dressed for my workout, put my coach shirt on over it, and headed straight to the box after my game was over.

Tonight's workout was do-able, but I'm sure I'll know it tomorrow morning!

I had to scale the WOD for sure...so mine was:
10 minute AMRAP:

200 meter run
15 Kettlebell swings (scaled to 20#)
10 ring dips (Scaled to "girlie" push-ups)

I finished 2 full rounds, plus got about 3/4 of the way through the 4th run...It was rough!!!  I'm ready to go back tomorrow!!

My week in review...

So, I didn't make it to the gym as much as I wanted to.  I was home with a sick child with Strep Throat and a fever for 3 straight days.  She was so sick, that I let her stay at home while I ran the other 2 to school.  She said it hurt to lift her head up off the pillow.

I did, however, make it to CrossFit F-V yesterday to get in my CrossFit Games 16.1 workout.  I have to say, that with no cartilage in my left knee, walking lunges are a NIGHTMARE!!!  Also, as my first full WOD in over 2 years, it was brutal.  My knee, Quads and Glutes are SCREAMING at me today, and my arms and shoulders are whining fairly loudly.  I'll be back this week, to get more workouts in....and next weekend for 16.2.

I've done a lot of changing since I started this blog, and I've actually started to find the woman I always hoped I would be.  I wanted to love myself enough to do my makeup before I left the house.  Not because I needed to attract some guy (the reason I USED to wear makeup) but because I enjoyed looking nice.

Me wearing makeup is not a sign of my insecurity, it's actually because I've found the woman I was always meant to be.  I enjoy being a girl, just as much as I enjoy lifting heavy weights and sweating it out at the gym.  I know that I am a walking contradiction.  I love sports, watching UFC and love college football.  I remember watching the Tyson-Spinks fight with my uncle when I was in middle school.  I also like dressing up, looking cute, and all that that being a girly girl means.  I run in skirts, and I want my sports bra to match my outfit.  I'm proud of the fact that I can currently dead lift 165# and that I was once able to dead lift 225#.

I used to think that lifting weights, going to CrossFit, etc, made me less of a woman.  That people would view me as a tomboy.  Fact is, I am ME!  and I like the me that I am.  I like that I can talk about sports with my husband.  I like that I can work my butt off in the gym, then come home, take a shower and put on a dress.  We don't have to fit into a box that someone has decided makes us "girly" or a "Tomboy".  We can do what we love and define who we are as WE want to.

So, this is me.  I'm a CrossFitter, I'm a Younique Presenter, I love Makeup, I love sports, and I love Jewelry.  I can be all these things, without apology, because that is who I am....and I'm never going to apologize for being ME!

Be who you are, Love who you are, Accept who you are.  If you can't, then no one else will either.

Krista