The saga continues....

I went to the gym this evening to sign up for some additional training.  I have 20 more sessions, which if my math is correct, means they will last me 2 sessions/week until the last week of school (June 9th or so).  I will be doing cardio every day, working out with Chris 2 days/week, and taking classes at the gym as well.  I have got to take full advantage of this opportunity and get my health and my life back.

Random Middle of the night Ramblings!!

Trying to figure out what I will do to be able to continue working out with the best trainer in the world...Chris Mitchell. 

I noticed tonight that for the first time in the recent (memorable) past, my belly doesn't stick out past my chest....eve w/o a properly supportive bra on!!!  (This is a huge victory for me!)

If I was to continue losing 10 pounds/month for the next 12 months (a fairly realistic goald since that is about 2.5 pounds/week) I will be at my goal weight of 135 by my 37th birthday!! 

Part of me really wants to donate all of my winter clothes to goodwill or something since I desperately want to believe that I will need an entirely new wardrobe next fall in a far smaller size, but I'm just not quite that confident yet.

I had a HUGE awakening today.  I realized that my negative attitude about myself, can sometimes be interpreted by those that I interact with as an overall negative attitude.  I have never felt negatively about anyone other than myself, so the realization that my personal displeasure with myself in the past has been read as an overall negativity was upsetting and enlightening at the same time. 

I have got some MASSIVE work to do! 

Till next time!

Krista

It really is true...I'm shrinking, and at record pace apparently!!

I couldn't be any prouder than I am at this moment.  I have worked my butt off for the last month + and the results are definitely worth it.  I don't totally understand everything that Chris told me today, but her is what I remember:

Starting weight, 267, today 257
Starting lean body mass, 133, today, 120

I have lost a total of 15 3/4 inches in the last month
Body fat % then, 48, today, 46

There were spefics based on each body part...I think, if I remember correctly, I lost 5" in my waist and 3 in my hips.  I don't remember the rest. 

My trainer says that he has NEVER, in 22 years had a client lost 15+" in 1 month, and he measured me 3 days early.  I will get weighed again April 25 or so...Let's see if we can't lose even more weight in this month, and another 15".  That would ROCK!!

Krista

BREAK TIME!!

After nearly a month of working out 4-6 times per week and am still stuck at a weightloss of 7 pounds for the year.  I am really getting to a point of frustration, but I WILL NOT allow it to make me quit my journey to health.  I am going to keep on this journey regardless of how long it takes me to reach my goal!  All that being said, I am taking a break today.  My birthday was a month ago and we are having my birthday dinner today at my mom's house.  Swiss steak, Mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, and lemon cupcakes with lemon icing.  As I continue on this journey, the reality is that there will be times when I don't follow this new eating style, like on my birthday, so I don't feel guilty for doing it.  I will definitely eat less than I normally would, and will be at the gym tomorrow to work off anything I eat.  I'm also going to be changing up my workout routine.  So--here's what my new workout routine is going to look like. 

I will be up daily at 5:30 to workout.  If I am taking a class at the gym that evening, I will be walking on the treadmill, but if I am not going to be taking a class that evening, I will be doing one of the large number of workout DVD's, like Tae-Bo, Biggest Loser, etc. 

Back on the new eating habits tomorrow....Working out every day except Sunday from here on out.  The other part is that I will be ordering a Bodybugg, or a similar piece of technology to help me track my calories burned on a daily basis. 

Krista

The new me is is starting to speak louder than the old....

Ok, so I have never been very good at taking a compliment.  I've always said "Thank You" as genuinely and pleasantly as possible, immediately followed by an explanation of why the compliment wasn't warranted...something like this, Anonymous person: "I LOVE your sweater."  Me: "Thanks...It is my sisters, She picked it out and let me borrow it."  You see, I would never allow myself to be that the compliment was genuinely meant FOR ME!  I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but today, I was paid a compliment and I just said, "Thank You".  Ridiculous, I know, but there wasn't even any internal dialog to say, "yeah, thanks, but you know he didn't meant it for you...he was just being nice to you, you don't deserve that compliment...get over yourself."  For the first time in my life, or at least that I can remember, I said thank you and there was no self-defeating internal dialog following it.  I thought about it later, and was kinda freaked out by it. 

Krista

Who said I couldn't? Because I won't say it ANY MORE!

So, picture me, at 255 pounds trying to run.  It isn't easy, and it for darn sure isn't pretty...but I CAN do it.  I have thought about running a half marathon, and there is one in November, 8 months away.  The old Krista keeps trying to rear her ugly head and convince this new, confident Krista that that just ISN'T possible.  Now, picture me last night, watching the TV show, "Heavy".  If you haven't seen the show (it airs on A&E Monday nights at 10) they basically send 2 people to Hilton Head Health in SC for 6 months to re-learn how to eat, how to work out, how to go grocery shopping, basically, how to live!  So on the 1st day, one of the folks told the trainer, on the break he required on the way to his villa because he couldn't walk that far without stopping to breathe, that he wanted to run a half marathon in 6 months.  The trainer was shocked, and even went so far as to say that she didn't think this particular contestant, who weighed 517 pounds had any idea what it took to run a half marathon.  After 6 months there, he had lost 168 pounds and did, indeed run/walk a half marathon, at 350 pounds.  At that very moment I was completely pissed off at myself.  How is it that at 100 pounds less than this gentlemen, I have the audacity to tell myself, or anyone else for that matter, that I can't do that?  I have a brand new fire and a brand new perspective on my life and working out.  To Hell with "I can't"  it has been replace with "I will!"  I WILL do this, I WILL, run a half marathon in November, I WILL run a 5K in June, I WILL weigh less at the end of the year than I did when I graduated from high school, and most importantly, I WILL be the best role model that my children deserve as it pertains to a healthy lifestyle!!

I WILL.....

WOW~~Thought provoking quote from Ruby Gettinger's book

Okay--so as a woman who has always seen myself as being overweight (even when I really wasn't) I have been frustrated by the struggle to be "thin".  My grandmother, as a show of suppport and love once told me that if God had intended me to be skinny, I wouldn't have to work so hard at it.  It hurt my feelings at the time, and I have often wondered why I had to be the one that was overweight.  Well, Courtney, from the Aqua team on Biggest Loser this year, just posted this quote from a book written by Ruby Gettinger.  The quote was awe inspiring and thought provoking at the same time.  I had never consciously thought of this , but it is making me think now....HEre is the quote:

"Sometimes I wonder what I might say if God came to me tomorrow and asked, "If you could go back in time & I could make you fat or small...what would you choose?" Well, the answer just struck me and I know it to be true. I would say I'd rather be the same, Lord. I choose big. I know that sounds crazy beause I am spending every second of my life fighting to get small. But I truly believe being overweight has made me a better person. It has let me sit back and observe things, see people for what they are. It has made me not take things for granted; I appreciate every single thing in lifeso much because of it. Really I do. I see beauty all around me because I have had to sit out on the sidelines for so long. It's a hardship, yes, but the view from those sidelines is also beautiful. Most people are too busy running around, never taking the time to stop, think, or feel. I do. I have. And it's because of my size that I have done this. I don't judge people; I love them unconditionally because I try to see what's beyond their shell. Walking in the shoes I've walked in has made me a better human being. So yes, God, I thank YOU for giving me this challenge and this gift. I don't see it as a curse like some people might. I see it as a BLESSING. It is good to have been where I have been, good to be where I am now, and good to be going where I know I'm headed. Plain & simple -- it's good to be ME!" ----R.G.

Now--I can't say that I totally agree, because I would love to have never had this particular struggle in my life, but her perspective is one that I certainly share.  I have had more than one boyfriend in my life express concern about my losing weight because of the attention that they feel I would garner as a healthy, attractive woman.  I have always felt that, for example Barney, who loved me and married me even has an overweight woman deserves just as much love and respect even if others begin to express interest after I have been successful in this "battle of the bulge".  I'm not just going to all of a sudden walk away from Barney and the love and respect he has shown me for the last 9 years just because I'm getting attention from folks who wouldn't have given me the time of day as I am right now. 

I will say that I feel like I have a better understanding of who people truly are, because I know that people who are interested in talking to me are genuinely interested in me and knowing ME because they aren't interested in me just because of my looks.  So I do know a bit about who people really are. 

Is it stamped on my forehead?

I can't help but wonder if there is a stamp on my forehead visible only to other people, more specifically, larger women who are wondering about personal training.  Twice in the last few weeks I have been approached by women at the gym who saw Chris training me and either wanted to offer their support or ask questions about whether personal training is worth it.  I have come to the conclusion that I appear very approachable in most aspects of my life.  There is 1 particular arena where I think I am assumed to be less approachable, just because I am not 100% comfortable there.  I feel like the place that I would normally be the most uncomfortable, isn't the place that I actually am.  This is a HUGE wake-up call for me. 

I am finding a new part of myself.  Chris has already pushed me well beyond the limitations I thought I had, proving to me that I can do far more than I give myself credit for.  I am figuring out that my approachability makes me an asset in the place that I usually feel the least comfortable, the gym.  I am starting to feel like I can be an example to other overweight women, who feel overwhelmed at the the thought of working out.  It is very hard to walk in the gym every day, wondering if you will be the largest one there....but I know I won't be the largest person there for long, especially with as hard as Chris is pushing me. 

There is absolutely NO CHANCE IN HELL that I will be giving up on myself again!  I have done it far too often, and what I have come to realize is that I am the only person who gives up on myself.  Everyone else believes in me, and it is about damn time I joined them.  So, if you were used to the weak, insecure Krista that I have been for the last 30+ years, I'm sorry to inform you that she is GONE!  She will not be making a return any time for the res of my life. 

Till next time!

Krista

Ahhhhh, sweet success

I got on the scale this morning and was very pleased to see that I was back down to the 257 pounds that I weighed before leaving for Orlando last week.  I worked hard to get the weight off and will continue to work.  I still have approximately 122 pounds to my ultimate goal.  I have lost a total of 6 pounds this year, and only been working on it for about the last 3 weeks.  I know I can do this. 

I am seriously considering the 17 day diet plan.  I have heard that it is fairly simple to follow works well.  Anyone had any experience with it?  Please share if you have.

Krista

Changes aren't just physical...

Okay--so I have started to notice some changes to my body physically, but I am even starting to notice some mental/attitude changes as well.  I have noticed that I am carrying myself differently than I have.  I'm not looking at the ground all the time when I walk anymore, I'm carrying myself more upright than usual.  I also walked into LA Boxing for class today, and though a bit freaked out because I didn't know what was going to happen, I wasn't self conscious at all.  I didn't feel out of place, nor did I care what the folks around me looked like.  The fact is, I have come to realize that while I may be the biggest girl in the gym right now, if I keep coming, that won't last long.  I will eventually be in shape, and may be able to help others who are intimidated when they walk through the door.  I've never been a person with a ton of self confidence, but I will say that my self confidence is growing with every day at the gym.  I am enjoying working out, and even enjoying being sore in the evenings.  I just KNOW that being sore means I worked hard that day, and that it will pay off!  It will pay off physically, mentally and on the scale! 

Krista

EEEP!!!!

I looked at my calves this morning, and they are actually starting to get rather defined....YAY!  My biceps feel good too, however, it is not obvious visibly, yet.  Exciting to start seeing changes in my body!!

A tiny bit of validation....

Today at the gym was pretty darn rewarding.  I am doing pretty well, and Chris tells me all the time that I am a machine and that I WILL do this.  I laughed today when I told him that I hated him and he said, "you might right now, but you'll love me this summer, and you'll worhsip me come Christmas."  I couldn't be happier with how hard he is pushing me, and the fact that I am meeting every challenge he has put in front of me thus far. 

Today's training session was all about arms.  I know for sure now why boxers have ripped arms and backs.  We started with boxing today, and my shoulders, arms and upper back are definitely screaming at me still.  Then we headed over and wrapped a resistance band around a pole so I could use the resistance while punching.  Then I got to balance on a Bosu ball with my legs bent, then step on and off with alternating feet.  With ankles like mine, this is most definitely no easy task!  Next up were curls with 8 pound dumbells.  First I did alternating arms, then both arms at the same time, then just held the dumbells with my arms curled.  After that, Chris put a 45 lb. dumbell on the floor and told me to squat and pick it up, stand up.  I had to do this 10 times with my butt down and stand all the way up.  I got a 10 second break before I did 10 more reps and we repeated this 3x.  I had no idea until I was done, but apparently I had an audience.  2 girls who are far more fit than I am were staring, Chris noticed and I heard them say they were impressed.  Chris informed them that I was a machine and would be signing autographs in 3 months.  I don't know about all that, but I will say, it felt really good and was just the validation I needed today!

I am going to win the battle of the bulge!  If you don't believe in me, please feel free to bug off, and I'll let you know when I'm serving the crow for dinner.  The way I figure it, BL 12 finale is in late-November or early December, and by then, I should be able to host a viewing party, complete with a dinner of Crow for the skeptics in the crowd who didn't believe in me.

Till next time.

krista

Let's get it all out there......

First, I want to update everyone on the weekend whirlwind.  I got up at 5:15 on Saturday Morning to get ready to go to the casting call.  I left the Hotel at 6:20, but didn't get there until 7:00 because I got lost and turned around and ended up going toward Disney World, rather than Universal Studios.  At 7:00, the earliest they want you to line up, I was #172 in line.  Not bad considering there ended up being between 700 and 1000 people at the casting call.  I got into the room for the interview at around 11:45 or so, and there were 3 tables with 10 people at each one.  We were in there for maybe 17 minutes or so and each person was just asked to introduce themselves by saying their name, age and occupation.  Our Casting Director, Frank, asked us a few additional questions from there, and we were done in no time.  Then, the waiting...They didn't post until around midnight that they had called everyone they were going to call for 1-on-1 interviews so I basically waited 12 hours to find out that I didn't have a chance at being cast on BL 12. 

Now--let me expalin a bit about my blog, and my motivation for doing this.  I have received a few e-mails from folks thanking me for inspiring them to get back into the gym, or take care of themselves.  That makes me very proud, but was never my motivation for doing the blog.  You see, I am 5'2" and weigh 261 pounds as of today.  I need to be accountable in some way, and want to document this journey that I am on.  I know that lots of people are overweight and want to lose it, so I thought this would be a nice way for them to help me see this through.  After all, I have about 131 pounds to lose, a little over half my body weight, and that isn't going to happen over night, nor is it going to be really easy to do.  I am going to need a lot of support and encouragement to reach this goal, as I haven't seen that # on the scale since about 8th or 9th grade.  I have no desire for my "15 minutes of fame" and any such ridiculousness, but just want to be accountable to my friends and family. 

So--as of today, I have 131 pounds to lose.  I have set a goal that I will be most of the way there by the night that the Biggest Loser Season 12 finale airs.  I am going to dedicate myself to working out and getting healthy.  I am going to weigh myself on Tuesday mornings, before getting dressed or going to work.  I will take pictures of myself throughout this journey and will come here to let everyone know how I am doing.  So--starting now--this is ALL ABOUT ME!!!  I have 3 kids to get healthy for, a husband who I desperately want to feel sexy for, and a long life to live!  The first thing I need to do is go find a "goal outfit in a size 8.  My personal trainer, Chris, swears I can be wearing a size 8 by Christmas.  Part of me feels like believing this will set me up for yet another failure, but the other part of me desperately wants to believe that it is possible.  I guess we will see.  In order to get to this goal, I will need to average about 14 pounds of weightloss/month.  There are 43 weeks left this year, so I need to average about 3.4 pounds/week of weightloss.  These numbers seem very doable....so I will keep that in mind. 

Please offer your support and advice as I had down this long and arduous road. 

Thank you, Krista

Final Preparations

I am sitting here in my hotel room, going through a million things in my mind to remember for tomorrow.  I don't even know what to think right now, but am a combination of excited, scared and anxious all at the same time! 

I will be waking up at 5:15 in the morning to get ready and be there early to get in line.  They say not to line up before 7:00 but my understanding is that not many folks listen to this so even getting there at 7 should put us a ways back in the line. 

I hope it goes well, but whatever the case may be, it will be God's will, and in his time, not mine!  I already know that if I don't get chosen for the show I have a good trainer to push me, but I really feel like I need this opportunity to concentrate on ME and quit putting myself at the bottom of the priority list. 

Enjoy tomorrow--I'll check in afterwards.

Krista